Insert Heart Here
by Laceration Gravityy
Summary: "I would try and fix things as much as possible, and though somethings can't be fixed, at least I could make it all easier, so both Gerard and I could heal. Together." Frerard. Frank/Gerard. My Chemical Romance. Read and Review! xx
1. You better hide up in the alley

**Hiya, so here is a new story. Another Frerard SURPRISE! It should turn out fairly long unless i get bored of it. **

**Disclaimer: (for the picky ones) i do not own Frank, Gerard, Mikey etc. This is pure fiction, never hapened before.**

**On with the story!**

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><p>No, not going to happen. I grunted, shifting my body to meet my mother's hard stare.<p>

"I'm not kidding Frank. Get up! I'm not about to let you be late on the first day back!"

I sighed. She wasn't going to let this one go, was she?

I pulled the sheets off my half naked body, exposing my bare chest.

"You drive me mad, woman!" I know how much it pissed her off when I called her "woman". That is the only reason I ever said it.

"Get!" she barked, pointing out the door and down the stairs. She glared at me the way she does that makes people understand she's not kidding any longer.

I did as I was told, dragging my feet down to the kitchen. The strong aroma of coffee hit me hard and I was suddenly very awake.

Mom read my expression exactly and asked, "Want some?"

"Yes, please," I answered without hesitation.

She poured me some of the liquid gold and handed it over gently, making sure she didn't spill. I thanked her and snuggled up to the mug, breathing in the hot steam.

I took a foolish sip and burned my tongue like I do almost every time. The vapours had warned me but I'm too fucking impulsive I suppose.

I put the mug down, admitting defeat, and patiently waited for it to cool down.

"Go get dressed," Mom ordered. I nodded my head and walked up to my room, taking my precious time. Might as well while I waited for my coffee to cool.

I lazily grabbed a pair of ripped jeans and a plain, blue, faded tee-shirt with a grey and black hoodie.  
>I put them on and went back downstairs.<p>

"You could at least try a little harder," mother nagged but didn't push it further knowing I could care less.

I wasn't exactly excited to go back to school after two months of doing nothing all day, everyday. Of course I had my beautiful girl, Pansy, to accompany me, guitar strings and all.

I will finish high-school for my divorced parents, but college? I don't know. I can't imagine myself there, engulfed in textbooks and surrounded by big ass jocks. One more year of hell was bad enough but no more afterwards.

Besides, I rather play in a band. Not sure if it will ever go far, but I rather be happy than rich.

"C'mon, baby. Grab your stuff or you are going to be late," my thoughts were interrupted by my demanding mother.

"Yeah, yeah. Chill, I'm going," I stuffed my necessities into my back-pack and rushed out before I was physically kicked out.

Joy! I couldn't wait for my swell day to begin. Who knows? I might be stuffed into a locker and called "faggot" on the very first day back, if I was lucky.

I felt like I was dragging myself, not so physically but more mentally. Every morsel of me, every cell, was dreading this day. And now, it was finally here.

_Thump, thump, thump thump_... It sounded like far-away foot steps. Surely not mine, they were a separate noise. Not as heavy as the one I was hearing. I quickly decided I would not look behind me. Did I really want to know who it was? I had a feeling I already knew who it would be anyways...

As the steps grew louder, they also grew slower, until I felt a hand firmly grip my shoulder.

"Hey. Why didn't you wait up?" See, I knew it. It's always him anyways.

"Sorry, dude. I was deep in thought." I replied as casually as possible.

"Really? C'mon dude. I know you haven't been exactly excited but don't get nervous because of what happened-"

I turned my head and looked into his eyes, making sure he knew I was telling the truth. "Mikey, I'm not nervous. I have told you plenty of times. I've just been thinking, you know?" Ya, Mikey, my best friend. Who else did you expect it to be?

"Fine," he sighed, "but don't go all anxious on me. I don't need you to be a nervous wreck when I'm still working on myself. It's a very complicated process," he said the last sentence, jokingly, in a British accent, trying to sound smart.

I snorted. He always knew what to say.

"Dude, you make my day."

"I know."

We walked to school side-by-side. Mostly silent, but not awkward, it's never awkward between us. When we did speak, it would be of music, comic books, and Harry Potter. They are my favourite series. Mikey never complains when I babble on about my own interests, which I often do, he's good that way.

Besides, he's had his share of boring me. We're even.

"Want to sleep over tonight?" he asked me.

"I don't think-" I was going to deny his offer but he cut me off.

"Gerard won't be home tonight, if that's the reason," Fuck, he always knows. Bastard.

"Well... Ya. Sure, whatever."

"That's what I thought," he grinned at me and I punched him in the arm playfully.

"Prick," I accused teasingly.

"Bitch," he back-fired.

"Bitch? Really?" I chuckled at his pathetic attempt at a come-back.

"What? You can be,"

Our meaningless conversations continued until we got to school. Since Mikey's a year younger than me, we don't have any classes together. Oh well, there's always after school.

We said our goodbyes and parted ways as we headed to our lockers.

I took what I needed and put the rest in my locker. I sighed and headed to my next class, maths.

I walked in the room and was greeted by my far too jolly math teacher, Mr. Harrot.

"You're not late! What a nice surprise, Frank. Now why don't you take a seat," the things the man says, coming from someone else's mouth you would think they were being sarcastic, but not him. Sometimes he is far too happy for his own good.

I took a seat in the second row from back of the class room.

I began doodling while waiting for the lesson to start.

I heard someone pull back a chair in the desk in front of me, disturbing me in my own little world.

I looked up from my sad excuses of drawings to see the being who sat in front of me.

To my sad surprise, it was Gerard. His hazel eyes were looking sadder than usual. His black hair, messier than usual. His eyebrows were furrowed with what looked like concern. He seemed so distressed. I almost felt sorry for him but then I remembered. My pity morphed into anger. Those were his choices, not mine. Everything was his fault. I was only being honest. He didn't need to do what he did.

We didn't exactly have a cheerful history.

"Hey, Frank," he said with a friendly smile. Fake. He's so fucking fake.

"Hi," I replied without a smile.

I wasn't about to befriend him again just to end up hurt as usual.

"So... what's up?" he tried again but I refused to return the kindness.

I cut to the chase. I wasn't in the mood for games. "Dude, what do you want?"

"I-" he was cut off by someone else taking the seat beside him. Brennon. Great.

His short blond hair gelled. He work dark clothes, like Gerard, but had a larger, more jock-like frame. I don't understand why he wasn't in any school sports, but he just wasn't. If he wasn't such an asshole, I could actually like the kid.

"Hey Gerard. Hey _Frank_." he spit out my name with so much disgust you would think I killed someone.

I didn't reply, it wouldn't make anything better.

"What's wrong Frankie? Why you so peeved?" Brennon pushed, trying to see how far he could go without me snapping. "Answer me fag-boy. C'mon,"

How could anyone possibly be friends with this guy?

I looked over at Gerard to see if he had any humanity to shut Brennon up. None. He was just mindlessly staring at his shoes. Coward. He made this mess.

"Faggot," Brennon mumbled.

Why couldn't the lesson just start?

"Faggot," he said again, louder this time.

Please Mr. Harrot, just start the lesson, even if everyone's not here yet.

"Frank the worthless fucking faggot!" he hissed at me, for the world to hear.

"Shut the fuck up Brennon! Just leave him the fuck alone, okay? He can't help it! Just shut up!" Gerard snapped with full-force. Everyone in the classroom gawked at him. Why was he defending me? Brennon was supposed to be his best-friend.

"Is everything alright over there?" Mr. Harrot asked us. Once again, his obliviousness never failed to entertain me.

"Everything is just dandy Mr. Harrot." Brennon answered, sarcasm clearly audible in his voice.

"Well whatever it is, I will ask you to spare it until after class. Understood?"

The three of us nodded our heads in unison. I wasn't a tad bit excited for after class.

When class was over, I grabbed all my shit and sprinted out the door. I wasn't about to way for the douche bags to catch up to me. I stopped at my locker, where I grabbed what I needed for the next class. When I got there, I was very pleased to see that neither Gerard nor Brennon had the same class. Hopefully I could manage to avoid them for the rest of the day.

I couldn't help but feel a hint confused, though. I was indeed gay and very used to being called "faggot" ever since I came out involuntarily. So why did Gerard defend me? He would either join in when people harassed me or just stand by and watch the outcome of his choices.

What the fuck did he do that for? My confusion followed by more anger.

He is such a bastardly, cowardly coward! I hate him! Why can't he just leave my be? Asshole!

I could feel tears threaten to burn my eyes. I dared to blink because I knew that would cause them to fall down my face. I refused to show any emotion, except for anger, towards him. After all the confusion, sadness, and anger he has caused me, he will never be worth shit to me. I will not let him manipulate my thoughts ever again.

I. Will. Not.

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><p><strong>Yeah i know. their ages are not very realistic. Frank is younger than Mikey and Gerard is older than both, in real life. but this is fiction so ya... Please review! i would love to know that <em>someone <em>is reading this. i will try and update chapters and soon as possible. :) xx**


	2. There's no room in the next

I lay in my bed, throwing a tennis-ball in the air and catching it, too drowned in thoughts to do anything but. That too was, along with everything else, Gerard's fault.

Thankfully, I didn't have any other classes with Gerard or Brennon. The only time I would have to see them is in the morning, during math, and lunch, which, even then, I avoid them.

The teachers kindly spared us of homework, today. I'm glad about that much. I wouldn't have to worry about that when I go over to Mikey's.

Oh right, I should tell my mom about tonight. The woman can worry like there is no tomorrow when she is unaware.

"Mom! Mom? Mother!" I hollered.

"Frank Anthony Iero, I am not your maid. If you want something, come out of your room and get it yourself." I grunted in response, even though I doubt she could hear me.

I swung my legs over the bed and attempted to stand. That ended quite badly. I'd been just laying for so long my legs weren't used to the sudden amount on pressure put on them. They buckled under me and I toppled back on my bed. To that, I grunted once more and tried to stand again. Victory is mine you damn legs! Be short, sure, but I you will stand for me on command!

I stomped my way over to the kitchen, where my mom usual is.

"Mother, I'm sleeping over at Mikey's tonight. Alright?" I told her bluntly.

"No, not alright, it's a school night." Why was I so expectant of her to respond that way?

"I have no homework. Plus, I'll do the dishes for a week. C'mon..."

She processed my offer in her mind for a while. When she finally looked up from the potatoes she was peeling, she answered, "Fine, you may go. But I expect you to do the dishes like you said, not just lock yourself up in your room."

"Thanks mom," I leaned in and pecked her on the cheek. Sure, she could be a pain in the ass but she is doing alright for as mother.

"So how is Michael, anyways?"

"No time for small talk. Got to get packed," I hurriedly told her and ran back to my room to do what I said I would.

I grabbed my backpack from the floor and it filled it with all my necessities: toothbrush, toothpaste, deodorant, clothes, etcetera.

I reapplied some eyeliner to my hazel eyes and swung my backpack over my shoulder. I pulled on my black converse that I drew on with permanent marker. I am quite proud of them too. They turned out the way I wanted.

"I'm leaving now. I'm having supper at Mikey's. Love you, Bye!" I bellowed, making extra sure she heard me. I'm far too tired for her nagging.

Before she could reply, I was out the door and speed-walking to the Way household.

When I got there, I knocked exactly three times, like i always do. It has been a while since I last slept over at Mikey's house. He was one of the only real friends I had, aside from Ray, that accepted my sexuality. He never judges me, he has never been weird about it. That's why I love the kid. But in a friendly sort of way.

After a few seconds, the door flew open, on the other side was none other than the devil himself. Gerard.

He stood there with a placid face. When he realized who it was, he smiled. Not a I'm-gonna-kick-your-ass-you-faggot sort of smile. More of a hey-haven't-really-seen-you-in-a-while type of smile.

Why? That's all I that came to mind. Why? for many different reasons.

Why was he here? Mikey said he would be out. Why was he smiling at me like that? Why the positive turn of emotion towards me?

"Hey Frank? What's up?" he interrupted my questioning thoughts.

"Where is Mikey? Why are you here?" I showed as much hatred towers him as possible, almost physically spitting every word at him. He earned it, after all.

He laughed softly as if I didn't just speak to him in that tone of voice. I much rather him mock me. It would make it easier to hate him. I enjoyed hating him. Hate, in my opinion, is far easier to handle than any other emotion.

"I live here, stupid," he said "stupid" jokingly as if we had been best friends for years. Well, we used to be. "Mikey? He should be upstairs,"

I nodded and pushed past him, inviting myself in. I ran up the stairs to Mikey's room. The door was closed but I didn't bother to knock. I barged in, Mikey jumped.

"Why the hell didn't you tell me that _he_ was going to be here? You said he was going out!" I accused him, not caring how harsh I sounded.

"I- I didn't lie. He was going out but then he got in a fight with Brennon... That's who he was going to hang out with. So he stayed home. I'm sorry. I should have been more Frank..." he smirked at his lame joke. All anger towards him washed away and I couldn't help but grin.

"I hate you Mikey."

"D'aww, I hate you too, buddy!"

We began playing video games until we got bored of it. He picked Left For Dead first since it was already in the game console. We're both too lazy to change it, so I agreed to it, as well.

We joked around and played that for a good two hours.

"I'm hungry!" Mikey complained. My stomach let out a deep grumble just in time to agree.

"The feeling is mutual," I responded, putting a hand on my stomach.

"What do you want? What about pizza?" he answered his question for me. "Pizza is always good, mean they can mess it up too much. Always easy to get, too."

"Sure, vegetarian please."

He paused the game and reached for his car keys. He jumped up to his feet and said, "I'm going to go pick it up, takes less time and no tip needed. Is it alright if I leave you here for a second?"

"Just order it,"

"Nah, I'm going to go pick it up."

"But-" I began to protest but he stormed out before I could continue.

I sighed heavily. He better hurry the fuck up. I can hardly imagine being alone in a house with Gerard without me holding a gun to my head.

I resumed playing the game without Mikey. Which, might I add, was eerily quiet except for the gruesome noises from the game.

I hear a hesitant creak as the door to Mikey's room opened.

"Hey Mi-" I looked up expecting to find a dark blond haired boy with glasses, pizza boxes in hand. Instead, I found Gerard by the door. Dark hair, hazel eyes and all. And still no pizza. "Yes?" What in this fucked up world did he want now?

"I- I just- just- um..." he stuttered feebly.

"Do you need something? Mikey went out to get pizza, if you were wondering."

"No... I just... I'm sorry."

"What?" I needed him to repeated though I heard him just fine. I couldn't believe it. Gerard is far too proud to apologize. Even when we were the best of friends, "sorry" was always out of the question for him.

"I said sorry, Frank. I'm sorry." he mumbled.

"What!" I don't know why I asked this again. I heard what he said.

"I said sorry. I'm sorry."

I almost asked "what?" again, but I backed up and considered things.

"Why? For what?" I tried again, rephrasing my thoughts. He had too much to be sorry for. He had a heap of things to chose from to apologize to me for. But what I was hearing still just baffling.

He walked over and sunk down to sit beside me. I almost pushed him away but part of me really wanted, even needed, to hear what he had to say.

"For all the shit I have put you through Frank. I- I-"

"Shut the fuck up for a second. Please." I needed to analyze everything.

Confusion was the only thing I could feel right now.

I should be mad at him.

But I pity him.

In some ways, even, I want to hug him. I want to tell him, "Oh you fucking bastard! Why couldn't you tell me this before? It would make thing so easy for us both!" But I'm not that stupid.

There is so, so, so many things I yearn to ask him. I refrain from flooding him with thousands upon thousands of questions, instead I just ask, "Why now? After so long?"

"I'm a coward I guess," he answered, adding a muffled laugh to break the tension.

"I guessed that much," I responded but I was serious. "No, really, why now?" I pressed.

His eyes were glassy and I could see tears start to form in his eyes. Those were the eyes of someone I used to think would never even consider hurting me. I have never been so wrong about something in my entire life.

**_xxxxx_**

_"What song is stuck in your head right now?"_

_I looked up at his beautiful, hazel eyes, which was hard to do while swinging on a swing._

_"_Hate the Living, Love the Dead_." I answered the question he asks at least ten times a day._

_"_Misfits_?"_

_"Fuck yeah!"_

_We both giggled at our conversation that had become routine now. He would ask me what song I had stuck in my head. I would answer with the name of the song. He would guess the artist behind the music._

_Sometimes, I would answer with the most unheard-of song. He would fallow by asking me to play it on my guitar just to make it easier for him. But I knew he really just wanted to hear me play, he knew how much I loved it._

_These are the little things that make you know how permanent your relationship really is._

_I pondered telling him. Should I? What if it just fucks everything up?_

_Fuck Frank, don't be a pussy. If you guys are best friends, he needs to know. He'll find out eventually, anyways. Might as well be you to tell him._

_My conscience was right. I needed to do this. My stomach knotted. I felt more nervous than I ever had before._

_I stopped swinging, when I did, so did he._

_"Uh... Gerard?" I began. I looked away from him and to the stones beneath my feet. They were the chalky stones you find at a playgrounds._

_"Yes?" he sounded a hint nervous himself. He probably sensed the nervousness in my own voice._

_"We are best friends, right?"_

_"Of course," I could hear the urgency practically drip from his voice. I could tell he just wanted me to spit it out._

_"Please don't freak out," which I'm sure he will, but I didn't say that. "but I- I think I might be... gay."_

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><p><strong>Dun Dun Dun! I will try to post the next chapter tomorrow or the day after so just bear with me. Please review and let me know what you think :)<strong>

**BTW the part written in italic is FRank's memory, just so you dont get confused ;) xx**


	3. Well if I had the guts

Gerard didn't answer me when I asked why he was apologizing now. He just remained silent, hugging his knees close to his chest. I could tell that if he even tried to talk, he would start to cry. I didn't mind the quiet, though. It surprisingly wasn't awkward. It was calming, if anything.

"Gerard..." I finally broke the silence.

He lifted his head up from his knees to look at me.

"Why?" I asked, but I meant it differently this time.

"'Why' what?" I could hear annoyance in his voice, probably by my repeated question.

"Why did you react the way you did when I finally had the guts to tell you I was gay?"

He shook his head; I don't understand why he did so. He didn't answer me either, just remained silent once again.

"Gerard, you were the first person I ever told. You were my best friend. I thought I could trust you. I was wrong. You ran away! You told people. Called me a 'faggot'. You were the one person I thought I could really trust." I was getting impatient at his lack of reaction.

He started crying softly, wiping away stray tears with the back of his hand. He didn't make much noise, only muffled whimpers.

The look on his face was a look I never thought I would see on Gerard Way's face. He looked placid, sorry, and most of all shameful.

"Oh... hi. I'll leave you two alone," I whipped my head toward the source of the voice. It was Mikey. He held two medium sized pizza boxes (which, might I add, smelled like heaven). His face was scarlet read, and he was... smirking. Why the fuck was he smirking?

Before I could further investigate his expression, he ran out of the room, closed the door, and I'm guessing he went to the kitchen.

I was hungry. Besides, Gerard wasn't doing any talking. So, I stood up to follow Mikey to the kitchen.

Gerard grabbed my wrist, causing me to stop.

"Don't..." he began but didn't continue.

"Why the hell not?"

"I'm trying to talk to you,"

"Well go the fuck ahead. No ones stopping you,"

"It's hard! Okay?"

"Hard!" I snapped. "You don't know fucking hard! I couldn't trust anyone! The one person that I thought I could trust deceived me. For all the shit you put me through... you- you have no fucking idea..." my voice cracked and I felt like crying myself. This felt like last year all over again. And it just hurt so fucking bad.

Gerard looked defeated by my words. As much as I felt sorry for him, I also felt good. I was the one causing him pain for one. I was overpowering him for once.

Just to cause him a bit more well-deserved pain, I added, "And you know what? I think I was falling for you, too. I was in love with you and it hurt to have to see you everyday as only a friend. But I could live with that, only being your friend. But then you- you-"

He lifted himself onto his feet to face me.

He looked at me in the eyes, really looked at me. His own hazel eyes were still shiny and blood-shot from crying.

He leaned in closer.

I was scared because I think I knew what was about to happen. Whether I wanted it to happen; I don't know.

Our faces were so close I could feel his hot breath on my skin. I shivered; I didn't know if it was in a good way or bad.

Fifteen year old me would want this more than anything. But I don't know if sixteen year old me does anymore. I don't know if I could ever trust him again.

He eliminated the little space left between us and kissed me. His lips were warm and soft. He didn't push hard, didn't even open his mouth. He was gentle and light.

He let out a soft whimper, it was cute, actually. I didn't kiss him back but I didn't pull away either. I just lingered my lips on his and waited.

After about seven seconds, he pulled away. He hesitantly looked down to his feet. I guess he didn't want to confront me but didn't want to seem cowardly, either.

"That's why..." he murmured. I knew what he meant. This was why he said sorry. This is why he apologized now rather than any other time before. This was his way of telling me he was gay. It only made sense to apologize for everything while he was at it.

"Are you gay?" I asked bluntly. Gerard winced when I said "gay" then shrugged.

I didn't want to toy with his heart but... I don't know... maybe it was because I wanted to confirm that he really was gay or maybe I liked the feeling of his lips on mine. I leaned forward like he did with me, suddenly feeling more confident than ever, and reconnected our lips. He didn't pull away.

I pressed harder, slightly opening my mouth. I flicked my tongue on his upper lip. He opened his mouth to let me in. I caressed his tongue with mine. He seemed stiff and nervous at first but started to relax more, really getting into it.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer. he let out a little moan into my mouth.

Nope, I didn't mind this. Not at all.

It seemed the longer we kissed, the more we both hungered for more. I pushed my lips harder to his, causing him to stumble back a little. I too stumbled. Falling to the floor, I took Gerard with me. I heard a thud, followed by an "Ow! Fuck!" both sounds induced by Gerard. He hit the back of his head on Mikey's CD/book shelf.

His eyebrows were furrowed and he scrunched up his nose. He had a pained, annoyed look on his face. I giggled. He looked like a little kid for a second. It was cute.

"What?" he asked playfully.

"Nothing."

"What the hell are you laughing at?"

"You just looked really cute when you hit your head,"

"You enjoy watching me in pain?" he asked like he was challenging me.

"I enjoy other things more..." I told him lustfully, my voice husky.

Since I was still on top of him on the ground, I got to feel him hardening on my thigh. I smirked.

He got up on his elbows and bit my bottom lip. I held his head in my hands and kissed him full on.

I wanted to experiment with him. I never expected this. I got over Gerard when he took place as my enemy instead of a friend. I vowed to never fall under his spell again. So what was I doing?

I put my legs on either side of him, straddling his hips. He entwined his fingers in my black hair as our tongues continuously collided. We were quietly moaning in the others mouth, breathing heavier by the second. Both of us were hard as rocks.

For all the hurt, all the pain of the past months; such pleasure sure as hell made up for it.

"Gerard? Frank? You coming for pizza or do you want me to finish it all?" warned a distant voice, most likely Mikey's.

Gerard pulled away, breathing heavy.

"We should probably go, huh?"

I nodded in agreement, then added, "We shouldn't tell Mikey. He would flip."

"About that... Mikey kind of already knows... about everything. Well, not what we just did, but about me..." he admitted.

Then it hit me. Mikey went to pick up the pizza rather than order it because he wanted Gerard to talk to me.

"That mother fucker!" I cursed under my breath but loud enough to hear. Gee knew I was kidding.

I sighed and got up to my feet. I held out a hand to Gerard. He took it and I pulled him up to his feet.

We walked over to the kitchen where pizza awaited us.

We found Mikey stuffing his face with food. When he heard us walk in, he looked up and grinned.

"What?" I urged.

"Did you break anything on my shelf?" he answered with another question. That imp.

"Just give me pizza," I ordered.

He handed Gerard and I a slice of vegetarian pizza. We ate, all smiling. For once, there was no tension between Gerard and I. It was nice.

After pizza, we all played video games, watched movies, listened to music; the usual. It was fun.

I still couldn't help but feel like I was betraying myself. I felt guilty and foolish for forgiving him so easily of what he did.

Five months of anguish, of getting beat up, spat at. It was all because of him that I came home bruised and scarred. I always stayed strong, through every minute. The part that hurt most was that it was my best friend who used to torment me.

But all of the hatred I ever felt couldn't even oppose to the happiness I was feeling now.

I was a mess of feelings inside. I was mad at him for making me feel this way after I swore I would never let him get to me again. I'm pissed at myself for cracking so easily. But most or all, I felt happy and bubbly. It was nice because the last time I felt this way was before I came out to Gee and told him I was gay. Maybe I should just let my guard down... I owe it to myself to be happy for once.

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><p><strong>WoW! i wrote this whole thing while i had writters block. thank god i already had it planned out! it was sooo difficult to remember certain words so i had to try and think of synonyms to words. so sorry if this chapter is shit. hopefully its not. i would love reviews. i want to know what you think. constructive critism is also appreciated. chapter 4 will be here soon :) xx<strong>


	4. For all the dirty looks

**Sorry, this is a short one. but i will post up the next chapter shortly.**

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><p>All day I couldn't help but grin. It was funny, really. Imagine me, a loner with dark clothes and eyeliner, walking down the hallway, smiling ear to ear. It's a total stereotype that when you are "emo", you are never happy. So just think of all the people giving me strange looks. Some random emo kid that was smiling at nothing. I personally don't think I'm emo at all, but it doesn't matter what I think. People will believe whatever they want.<p>

Well, Gerard did that to me.

Ha! I never thought I would say that. He's usually source of all my anger. It's nice not to be angry, but happy instead.

I walked to math alone. Gerard slept in because Mikey and I decided not to wake him up this morning. No worries, though, he would get here shortly. When I arrived there, I sat in my seat. I was neither early nor late. Perfect.

Soon enough, Brennon walked in and sat down at his desk, firmly placing his notebook down.

There is no way in hell he would ever ruin my mood.

He glared at me which only made me resent him more. The scowl seemed almost permanent on his face.

Like I said, he wasn't about to waste my mood. So, I simply smiled at him, like I won, which in some ways I did.

His expression became even colder. God, why did he have to be such a dick?

Then, it was like a flashlight lit up in my brain.

I opened my own notebook an ripped out a blank piece of paper. I quickly scribbled on a drawing of a giant penis. On the penis, I clearly and boldly labelled "BRENNON".

I crinkled up the paper into a ball and whipped it at Brennon's head. He let out a small yelp and rubbed the area where the paper hit him. Pussy.

He then looked behind him and found me, a wide smirk played on my face. He looked down and located the paper. He picked it up and unfolded it.

Fuck, I wish I had a camera, his face was absolutely priceless. At first he was shocked. Then mad. Best part? I didn't even know someone's face could get so red.

"Wow, Frank. This is a pretty life-like drawing. Seen many of these before?" That was Brennon's response to my little drawing. I didn't even flinch. I just shrugged. I'll let him believe whatever the hell he wants.

Mr. Harrot, looking extra merry today, spotted us. He walked over to Brennon's desk and snatched the paper from him, studying it. His face too, got red.

"It's not that I want to do this, boys, but you leave me no choice. Detention for both of you after school. Why must you be so immature?" Mr. Harrot pondered to himself after giving us our very expected punishment.

"Now, may we be-" he started but was cut off by an exasperated-looking Gerard barging in.

"Sorry... I... Sorry." Gerard tried between breaths. I guess he had to run all the way to school. Oops...

I smiled at him. He shot me daggers. I knew he was only kidding.

"Take a seat," Mr. Harrot told Gerard. Gerard did what was said to him and gladly sat in front of me.

Brennon gave Gee a questioning look. He most likely wondered why he Gee looked so amused.

I would be lying if I said the rest of class wasn't awkward. It was. Not between Gerard and I, but between us and Brennon.

Poor Brennon, he hadn't one clue what was going on.

After class, I got out of my seat and headed out of the door and to my next class. I did just happen to see something before I did so: Brennon grabbed onto Gerard's arm, probably to talk, but Gerard shook him off and walked away. That made my day, "sealed the deal", if you will.

During lunch, I couldn't find Gerard, so I sat by myself and far away from Brennon. Too bad Mikey had lunch at a different period than us.

I didn't mind too much, though. It's nice to be alone with only my thoughts, sometimes. Especially now. I had plenty to think about.

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><p><strong>Sorry, I just felt it needed to end there. ya, i know, its kind of unsatisfying but ill post up the next chapter soon enough. please review :D<strong>


	5. Well if you wanted honesty

**Yes, yes i know. another shorty, i am extremely sorry. Even shorter than the one before, too. Now that i think about it... i should have put the last chapter and this one together... oh well. i just really wanted to update. but ill have you know, the next chapter will be longer and more interesting *laughs evilly* so just bear with me people. ill update soon enough. reviews are greatly appreciated :)**

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><p>After school I walked over to detention. I wasn't mad about it, not at all. I got what I deserved, but it was well worth it.<p>

I didn't expect Brennon to react so... perfectly. I don't know why he acted the way he did either. I didn't care, though. It didn't make it any less funny.

I swung the door open enthusiastically. The only two people in the room were Brennon and Mr. Harrot.

"Take a seat, Frank. I do not care which. I will let you two off easy this time. You will only have to stay for thirty minutes." Mr. Harrot told us matter-of-factly.

I took a seat right beside Brennon. Just for emphases, I poked his arm and whispered to him, "Hey Brenny boy,"

"Fuck off." he replied through clenched teeth.

Lately I've been feeling more confident. I guess that's not always the best thing; it could get me a foot up my ass.

Fifteen minutes later

"I will be photocopying some papers. Don't even try anything. I'll be back before either of you can even blink." and with that, Mr. Harrot trotted out of the room and went to photocopy his papers.

Within a matter of seconds after Mr. Harrot's presence left the room, Brennon decided to privilege me with his questions.

I could hardly read his expression. He wasn't mad but he did seem anxious and concerned. I doubted he was concerned for my own sake but I could tell something was on his mind.

"Why are you happy?" he asked bluntly.

To that, I said, "Why shouldn't I be happy?"

"You weren't happy before..." he pressed.

"That was you and Gerard's fault."

"So what happened?"

"What did you mean 'what happened?'"

"Dude, I'm not fucking retarded. I know something changed. Something is going on. What is it?" Now he looked annoyed and impatient.

I contemplated telling him. This was about Gerard, too. It's not just my secret. I already came out, he hasn't. I wasn't about to do it for him. Besides, I'd be a hypocrite if I told Brennon the truth. I'd be doing what Gerard had done to me, except without all the harassment. And it's not like Brennon deserved the truth, anyways.

"I decided I'm tired of always taking people's shit. I don't care anymore." was my simple answer. I wasn't lying. What I told him was true, it just wasn't the whole story.

"How fucking stupid do you think I a-" he began to badger but was cut off by Mr. Harrot walking in.

"Well I'm pleased to see you two have managed not to completely kill each-other." announced Mr. Harrot.

All was silent and placid for the last fifteen minutes.

When detention was over, it looked as if Mr. Harrot was even more content than Brennon and I.

As I headed out the door, Brennon stopped me with a grab of my arm.

With an ominous voice, he told me, "Don't you worry, Frank. I'll figure out what's going on. Gerard is going to tell me. Oh, believe me, he will." Then, he walked away, leaving me in a puddle of my own curiosity.


	6. And the collision of your kiss

**Hiy, sorry for the wait. i would have posted this earlier but my Doc. manager wasnt working. well here it is, enjoy and please review. ;)**

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><p>This week has been by far the oddest week of my life. It hasn't ceased to amaze me. So I'm left wondering if I'm happy the week is almost over, or if I want it to keep going forever.<p>

Either way, it is Friday if I like it or not.

I walked home, not a single worry in my mind. Only happy thoughts.

But there was just one little thing.

I still didn't know what Brennon was talking about the last time I really saw him.

I remember it was earlier this week. His eyes were vacant, his voice reaching.

"Don't you worry, Frank. I'll figure out what's going on. Gerard is going to tell me. Oh, believe me, he will." I remember he said. I'm still, to this day, not quite sure what intentions he had by this. Was he threatening Gerard? Threatening me? What about now? Did he find out what I was so reluctant to tell him?

I shook my head in attempt to clear my mind.

Everything has shifted for the better, lately. I wasn't going to let a few words change that.

With a simple turn of a knob, I opened the door to my house.

I slipped my feet out of converse and walked over to the kitchen where I grabbed a random banana.

"Mom! I'm home!" I bellowed, my voice echoing through the house.

I advanced over to my room where I disposed of my backpack in some corner.

I trotted to my mom's room, guessing she was there.

I was right, mom was in her room and she was serenely ironing some of her shirts.

"Hey Mom," unaware I was in the room, my mom jumped when she heard my voice.

"Oh, hey Frankie." she greeted back.

I wanted to ask her if Gee could come over but I was a bit nervous of her reaction. After all, she did know what took place between us.

"By the way, tonight, can Gerard come here?" I quickly spit out, resulting in a mess of words. I winced at how much of a stressed wreck I sound.

My mom did a double take. At first she was going to allow it but then she realized what I had actually said.

"Now, why on earth would you want that?" she lashed.

"Well, he apologized and he seemed sincere. We have been getting along really well. I just want to forget, you know?" I gave reasons for my decisions in hope that she would understand.

Her eyes softened and she looked less displeased.

After going through divorce, my mother felt she needed to be more protective on my behalf. Of course, the divorce was hard on me too. I loved my dad. He was the one who pushed me to music in the first place. Even though my mom was still supportive, he was my inspiration. But I learned to cope.

"Are you sure? After everything he di-" she began to doubt but I cut her off.

"Mom I'm positive. He's not the person he was..."

She sighed then said, "I suppose if you're so sure. Just don't hand out your trust so easy. I couldn't stand you getting hurt like that again," her voice was kind and loving, as it always has been. She strode over and embraced me, planting a light, motherly kiss on my forehead.

"Thanks mom," I acknowledged her, really meaning it. I knew she loved me even though she could get annoying sometimes, but I wouldn't change anything for the world.

"No problem, baby. Now go do your homework and take a shower. You smell revolting." she commented with a chuckle.

I went back to my room and called Gerard to inform him of tonight. It was fine with him. He sounded calm about it but I, myself felt partially excited and partially nervous. My stomach would do flips as soon as I remembered or thought about.

I went and took a shower, washing myself better than usual and paying extra attention to certain spots... like arm pits. I didn't want to smell or look bad to him.

Afterwards, I pulled on my tightest jeans and a nice clean shirt.

I didn't do my homework because it was Friday and I had until Monday to get it done.

I put in a CD, not paying any attention to which. When it started playing, I recognized it was Foo Fighters. Good enough.

When I was all ready, I waited for Gerard silently.

I nearly jumped out of my own skin when I heard the doorbell ring.

I ran to the door and threw it open. Gerard was standing on the other side, a kind smile on his face, his hazel eyes sparkling.

"Hey," we both said simultaneously causing us to smirk at the other.

I stepped to the side and gestured for him to come in.

He stepped indoors, his eyes grazing the walls curiously.

"You haven't been here awhile. We changed the place up a bit." I spoke for him when I came to the notion that he wasn't going to speak his own mind.

He simply nodded so I added, "Want to go to my room?"

He turned his head from some pictures on the walls to look at me. He smiled and nodded.

I led him to my room like I said I would. He jumped and landed on my bed face first. Then, he turned over on his back and just laid there, staring at me, his lips slightly curved up.

"I see your room hasn't changed," he commented.

"Ya, well, neither have I,"

"I know. It's me that's changed. You are, and always have been, the same." he said with a smile but his face looked slightly sad, maybe regretful. It would make sense for him to be regretful; he has a lot to regret for.

I didn't say anything, not wanting to make him feel worse.

He took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. If I could take it all back I would,"

I walked over and sat on my bed, beside Gerard's body. He has such a perfect body. He's neither fat, nor too skinny, or too bulky. He's just perfect. It's sad he doesn't know how great he really is.

I gently and hesitantly stroked his cheek. I didn't want to scare him off; he was still finding himself.

He went up on his elbows. I knew what he wanted so I leaned is as well. He lightly kissed my lips. I held the back of his neck, slowly crawling my fingers up and digging them in his dark hair.

I pushed my mouth harder on his. This time, he was first to part his lips. I followed him, allowing his tongue in my mouth.

I pushed him back on his back so he wasn't on his elbows any longer and crawled on top on him, straddling his hips.

He knitted his arms around my waist and for just a moment I believed he would never let me go, but that's not possible.

He pulled me closer and closer. I wasn't really sitting on him anymore; I was really resting my body on his.

We were breathing simultaneously, as if we were one. Every so often, he would let a moan escape his lips, causing me to moan after him.

I wanted to go further with him so badly but I didn't want to push him or, like I said, scare him off.

I crept my fingers to the bottom of his black shirt with a skeleton design on it. I slowly felt my way up his body, feeling his soft skin.

I, and my lower half, ached to go further with him. I needed more. I needed to feel, taste, and see all of him.

I glided my fingers down his body, stopping at the hem of his pants. I toyed with the button but didn't undo it.

We were insanely close, almost attached. The only thing separating us was our fully clothed bodies.

I pulled my lips away from his. His face looked like a mix of confusion and lust. He kind of seemed irritated that I stopped but I needed to know.

"Can I?" I asked. I was talking about undoing his pants but I'm sure he got the gesture of it.

He paused for a second and held his breath. He looked like he was debating with himself and I could easily tell he was nervous. If it was my first time in relation with a guy, I would be too.

He slowly nodded his head.

"We don't have to if you're uncomfortable..." I told him. I wanted to so, so badly but not if he didn't want to.

"No," he began, slipping his own hands under my shirt and massaging my chest. "I do want to. Go ahead."

I nodded. As long as he is okay.

I wasn't planning on going all the way so fast. I just wanted to fool around.

I undid his pants' button and zipper. I began to slowly tug them off. He groaned and removed my hands from his pants. At first I was puzzled to what he was doing but then I realized he wanted to take them off faster and by himself.

He took them off and tossed them in some area in the room unknown to me.

Before we resumed kissing, he ripped my shirt off my body without any struggle. His eyes grazed my bare chest hungrily.

"Horny are we?" I teased and he smirked.

"Ask my lower half," was his perfect response as he pulled off his own shirt.

"I'd be pleased to,"

I pushed him back down on my bed. I didn't kiss him on the lips, but began kissing him on the neck. It was a symphony of nibbles and bites and sucks and kisses.

Gerard squirmed, moaned and groaned under me. I sucked harder when he did. At this point I don't know who was enjoying themselves more; Gerard or me.

I decided to turn up the heat a notch. I trailed my tongue  
>down his chest, lightly kissing his skin every so often.<p>

We both knew well what I was planning.

When I reached below his bellybutton, I dragged my teeth until I got to the hem of his boxers. They weren't tight, but the bulge was very clear and "hard" to miss.

I pulled down his boxers with my teeth at an agonizingly slow pace; both for him and me.

I kept my eyes shut until his boxers were pulled all the way below his knees. I wanted to see everything all at once. I'm not sure why; I just did.

I snapped my eyes open and was face to face with what, I believe, I very well earned. Before I knew it I was gaping at his dick like I had never seen one before. I suppose it's just different with him because he's Gerard.

I looked up to meet his eyes. His face was a mixture of pleasure and eagerness.

He nodded his head vigorously as if to tell me to go forth and just do it.

I didn't want to keep either of us waiting any longer.

I surrounded his dick with my mouth. I wasn't fast at first, but I slowly picking up my speed and building my rhythm.

There was an orchestra of moans to fill the silence, mostly from Gerard. I would also be moaning but there wasn't much room in my mouth to release any noise.

My hands were rubbing his naked thighs, my nails digging into his partially pail skin.

Earlier, I had noticed a tan line just above his knees where his swim trunks would cover his skin. Everywhere but there was still a hint golden from the summer sun.

Meanwhile, his fingers were tangled in my black hair, moving my head back and forth in the same rhythm.

His moans were getting deeper and louder. I hope my mother wasn't near to hear us.

"F- Frank! Oh- ah! Fuck!" he half moaned, half warned.

I was fully aware of what was soon going to happen and I partially anticipated and dreaded it.

He let out one last moan while he came in my mouth.

I knew well that was going to happen but I hadn't thought far enough to whether I would spit or swallow. Where would I spit it? Besides, it would kind of ruin the moment. So, I swallowed. My face twisted with what seemed like disgust, not exactly enjoying the feel of it trickling down my throat.

"Mmm Frank... Swallow again. Please?" Gerard pleaded.

I'm not quite sure why he wanted me to do so, but how could I say no.

I swallowed again. Oh, I understood.

Gerard groaned in pleasure. It wasn't loud but it was deep.

I took him further down my throat (as much as I could without gagging) and swallowed harder this time.

He grumbled in response. Oh, he was enjoying it. A lot.

He pulled my hair and pushed himself deeper.

I swallowed again but this time I gagged without meaning to. Exactly what I was trying to avoid doing. I quickly pulled him out of my mouth. He looked somewhat surprised but still understood.

Thankfully, I didn't vomit all over him. But I cursed myself for ruining the moment.

He smiled at me and I smiled back at him.

"So, how was that?" I asked.

Sure, it was kind of messy and all over the place but it was probably the most fun I had in forever. Besides, this was our first time doing anything of this kind. It was sloppy but a decent first, hopefully not the last.

Gerard threw his head back and sighed. It was cute and it made me smile.

"That was... that was fucking amazing." he breathed.

"I know I wasn't exactly per-"

"No. You were perfect. More than you will ever know. Don't worry, I'll return the favor," My spirits raised. "just not yet. Another time." Then they dropped but were substituted by something else. Anticipation.

Anticipation not for just a blow-job, but promise and hope that there will indeed be "another time".


	7. And if you carry on this way

**Here ya go, once again sorry for the wait but ive been trying my hardest. ive been pretty busy lately. enjoy and dont forget to review! xx**

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><p>I made Gerard sleep on the floor, Friday night. He wanted to sleep in my bed with me but I couldn't allow that because my mom's room is near mine. If we started doing anything, I couldn't ever stop. I know I wouldn't be able to control myself. I didn't want my mom to hear us.<p>

My mom knew well I was gay, I had told her. If I didn't tell her she wouldn't have guessed. I don't look or act gay like the "gay guy" stereotype.

I fluttered my eyes open, every memory from the previous night slowly coming back to me. Naturally, a smirk formed on my face. It widened when I realized it was in fact Saturday. No school, mom working, and a whole day alone with Gerard? Best day ever!

I watched him sleeping. I felt creepy doing so but I couldn't take my eyes off of him.

Every so often, he would sniffle or whimper. It was possibly the cutest thing I have ever seen. It took a lot not to jump on him and make out with him right then and there.

His black hair was even messier than usual, dominating his face.

Gerard Way is probably one of the only people I know that can have such messy hair and still look so... godly.

He batted his eyes open and rubbed them with the back of his hand. I didn't take my eyes off him. I didn't care if he knew I was watching him. He smiled at me when he saw I was starring him.

"Morning," I was first to speak. He was still in the process of waking up.

"Morning. I'm still mad at you for not letting me sleep in your bed, by the way." he replied but I knew he wasn't anywhere near mad.

I couldn't take not having my body close to his right now. It ached in more places than one.

"My mom left for work. We are alone now. Why don't you come in my bed and take out all that anger on me?" my voice was husky and jagged from waking up, so my miserable attempt at sounding "sexy" utterly failed.

Regardless, Gerard pulled himself off the mattress I dragged on the ground last night, and climbed in bed with me. He pulled the blanket over his body and snuggled up to me. I wrapped my arms around his body and inhaled his scent which was growing to be comforting to me.

He smelled like a particular mixture of soap, sweat, and his house. I knew well what the slight smell of sweat was from; last night. Do I need to further explain?

He dug his head in the drop between my neck and shoulder, taking a deep breath.

In some ways, this felt better than other pleasures. Sure, those were plenty fun too, but there was something so simple and calming about just laying there, holding each-other. It felt... satisfying.

He began placing light kisses on my collar bone. He wasn't sucking or biting, just gently kissing. It was nice.

He stopped to speak. "Why are you with me, again?"

I sighed heavily. Why did he have to ask such a question and ruin that perfect moment?

"Because I really like you," was my simple reply. You don't know how fucking badly I wanted him to just drop it.

"No, like really. Why? You, out of all people, picked me after everything I did to you." he pressed.

Lately, I love hearing his voice, but right now, I wanted him to shut up.

So I shut him up the best way I know how. I kissed him. Hard.

He moaned and I doubt he cared anymore. He wanted that just as bad as I did.

So much for simple and calm. But this was still, very much, satisfying.

I shoved my tongue in his mouth, hardly giving him anytime to respond. I tugged at his lip, gently sucking on it. I paused for a second, keeping our lips connected, to move my body over his, straddling his hips.

Our tongues were wrestling, moving in almost indescribable ways in the other's mouth. Sure, we both had morning breath, but we had morning breath together.

He rubbed my chest up and down for a bit, and then dropped his hands to my waist. He slowly crept his fingers under my waist band and ran his fingers down my length.

He took hold of me and I moaned, encouraging him to keep going.

He moved his fingers up and down, finding a good rhythm. He went faster and put in more pressure with every pump. I was also moaning louder and louder every pump. The best part is it didn't matter how loud we were, we were home alone for house and hours. We could do whatever.

He paused for a second and pushed me on my back again, climbing over top of me. He resumed giving me a handy, but so much better than earlier; I didn't know it was possible. I suppose it was easier now because he had more freedom; I wasn't on him.

I heard a noise from outside my room, then someone, probably my mom, yelled out, "Just forgot some files. I put some breakfast out in the kitchen for you."

And you know what that mother fucker did? He started going even faster, putting more pressure into it. I couldn't help but need to moan louder than ever before.

Gerard giggled while I was biting my lips shut and trying to suppress the loudness I physically needed to let out.

Gerard kept going with one hand and grabbed a stray pillow. He put the pillow on my face then whispered to me, "Scream for me. Let it all out." And I did exactly that but it was muffled and not as loud as it would have originally been. I'd have to thank him for that later.

"A- a- alright, mom!" I bellowed, not wanting for her to come in my room to find Gerard and I like this. I tried to sound put-together, normal even, but my voice failed me; it came out cracked and high-pitched.

Gerard laughed again and I bucked forward, grinding our crotches together as hard as I could but finding it rather difficult under the circumstances.

He stopped with the hand-job and laid beside me, whipping away a certain substance on the sheets.

"Thanks," I breathed into his ear.

He nodded his head then said, "Anytime. Really,"

"Have you told your parents?" I asked, not wanting to sound like I was nagging. But after all this, he had to and he knew it.

"No. Don't worry, though, I will."

I nodded, not wanting to press him further. I don't know if I completely believed him. Knowing the way Gerard is, it will be difficult for him to fully come out. I don't want him to feel ashamed about the way he is. I'll give it some time. He needs time.


	8. Give me all your poison

**This chapter, i decided, is from Gerard's POV. it makes a lot more sense for it to be because Frank wasnt there so that makes no sense and would just be confusing. i debated using Brennon's POV but i wanted for everyone to be able to understand what Gerard was feeling. Once again, reviews would be lovely :). Anyways, on with the story! xx**

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><p><em>**Gerard's POV**<em>

Everything is so gray. So not like yesterday. Today, Sunday, is depressing and boring. Yesterday, Saturday, was absolutely amazing.

I was walking to the book store where Mikey works part-time. I wanted to buy a comic and maybe a CD; I could say hi while I was at it. Maybe I could also talk him into getting me a job. I was running out of cash and my needs won't just pay for themselves.

Frank and I spent all day together. We did the stupidest things. We played Scrabble, Candy Land, but not Monopoly; Frank always screws up at Monopoly. We watched movies, listened to music, played video-games, I listened to Frank play guitar, he listened to me sing.

Best of all, we kissed, touched, and everything of the sorts. It was literally one of the best days of my entire life. Ecstasy from the day before was still pumping through my veins. Replaying all the happenings of the day before, I could feel myself grinning.

I haven't been so happy in a while, even though I anything but deserved it. I would be- should be guilty, but this felt too good.

Yes, I'm a bad person; I caused Frank the worst pain and he repaid me with the best kind of pleasure. I should be feeling terrible; I don't deserve him. But then why can't I wipe this grin off my face?

A drop of something wet hit my cheek. I looked up to the source of the, what I'm guessing and hoping, was water.

Yep, it's raining. Great. But it was too be expected with all the greyness and such.

I pulled my hood over my head in one swift movement. I let my charcoal hair fall in front of my face, shielding my eyes from any falling liquid. I didn't need my already dark-circled eyes to be enhanced by running eyeliner.

Thankfully, I didn't have much of a walk left and it didn't seem as if the rain would get any harder.

"Gerard! Wait up!" Yelled a far-away voice, making me jump.

Instinctively, I whipped my head to the unknown, yet familiar, voice.

It was Brennon. He was standing on the other side of the street, arms flailing as if to catch my attention. He was trying to cross the street to get to me but an overwhelming number of cars kept rushing by him.

For some sick reason, I wanted to see Brennon; to catch up. But at the same time, I wanted him the fuck away from me; I didn't need him there to complicate things when they just started going so well.

But I knew I couldn't keep avoiding him forever. I owed him so little as an explanation. He was the one who was there for me when I refused to let Frank be. Sure, he was also the one who brought the sadist out in me, but he understood.

Brennon is a deep confusion in my life, beside all others. He is a... particular kind of guy. He is so, so much more accepting and kind then he ever lets on. He always acts like such a cruel and tough person.

I was his first real friend. We liked the same things and got along well. After the little ordeal between Frank and me, I had way too much pride for my own good and refused to go back. When Brennon and I became friends, I told him about Frank. In some ways, I made Brennon hate Frank for more than being gay. I almost made him sense Frank had hurt or deceived me. He never knew it was the other way around. This is why he assisted me in tormenting Frank.

Once my feeling for Frank grew in a positive manner and I started to change beyond my being, everything else inside me opposed. I began hating myself for liking Frank; for liking guys. I hated myself for being such a hypocrite. I despised myself for hurting Frank both physically and emotionally, especially when my new feelings for him grew so much so fast. But then, when I didn't think the hurricane of emotions bundled up inside of me could get any worse, I also began both pitying and detesting Brennon. My best friend was no longer the loyal person I used to think of him to be; he was the one who made me hurt the one I grew to love most.

All those emotions were bottled and shaken inside me during summer break. The whole time, I was mostly alone and would lie my way through anyone who dared to question my absence. And I admit it, I needed therapy. Thank god school started again; seeing all those faces again sealed any decisions I was aching to make.

And now I'm here, weeks later, standing in the rain, on the other side of the road, waiting for the one I so desperately owed an explanation to.

I hadn't a clue what to say. Should I apologize for my unexpected change in heart? Should I spit out all truth? Fuck, I'm such a mess.

I just stood and waited.

Eventually Brennon crossed the road and stood before me.

"Hey Gerard," he spoke.

"Hi," was all I could really manage.

Brennon made a forward hand gesture and said, "Walk with me, Gee."

My hands started to sweat; it was apparent that I was nervous. I'm anything but afraid of him so I don't know why I felt this way. And it wasn't the good kind of nervous; this felt so wrong.

"Gerard, care to explain to me what the fuck is going on with you?" he asked rather calmly. At that moment, he kind of reminded me of a mafia boss.

"I don't know what to say," it was the truth and all I could muster.

"Well, I think I have an idea,"

I refused to look at him but had no choice to; he placed his hand in mine and turned me around to face him as he continued to speak. This was an unexpected gesture but I shook the corrupted thoughts away. It's not what he meant of it.

"Why do you always toy with people's hearts, Gee?" he breathed.

Brennon raised his hand and at first, I thought he was going to hit me. Quite the opposite; he stroked my cheek with the back of his had, causing me to shiver. The last person who touched me like that was Frank. This was turning into exactly what I suspected it to be and I didn't like it at all.

"First, you fuck with Frank's head. Then, you go and fuck him in general."

I hadn't gone all the way with Frank but we did screw around a little. Still, how had Brennon known?

"How-" I began but he cut me off.

"Now," he started, moving his face dangerously close to mine, "you are fucking with my head. What are you going to do to me next? Huh?" his voice was dripping with lust and mischief.

I was taken aback by what I was witnessing and I could feel myself gaping at him.

I didn't know how to respond to that; I couldn't. Brennon obviously meant it in a dirty way, not so friendly, not even as an enemy. I didn't know what to do or say, nor would my body even allow me to move away from him.

I didn't want this. I rather a long and awkward conversation.

I know felt committed to Frank and as my feelings for grew for him everyday to what seemed more and more like love, so this made me even more uncomfortable.

I swallowed hard. Trying to get rid of the lump in my throat, so I could maybe stop all this.

Unfortunately, Brennon took it as something else. "Aww, baby. Here, let me answer for you. Better yet, I'll show you."

The hand that was previously softly stroking my cheek was now holding my face tightly. He smashed his lips to mine full-force and shoved his tongue in my mouth.

His other hand gripped and tugged at my pants' fly.

I tried to pull away and protest with all I had. I felt disgusting. But Brennon is much taller and stronger than me. He was completely in control; I, nothing more than his bitch.

Then it hit me! When watching horror movies when the chicks are getting raped, I always think to myself, "why don't they just go along with it?" They are going to get raped anyways, so maybe they can spare themselves death or extra pain by just going along with it. They could even stop it.

That's what I was hoping to do: don't be a victim, act like you like it and want it, and maybe you can indeed stop it.

I let my hands fall to the hem of his pants, fiddling with his belt.

I could feel bile creeping up my throat and I wanted to vomit. He made me sick. But I sucked it up and kept going.

I forced a moan and this time when I tried to pull away, I could.

He got mad though, "What do you think you're doing, huh?" he growled, gripping harder at my skin.

"N-not here. Let's go somewhere where we can have more privacy..." I stuttered but kept my cool and tried to seem a hint seductive. I needed to get away.

The worst part was that not one person was out because it was raining; no one would be able to witness this or help me.

I took a breath and brought my hand up to my face. I laced his fingers with mine and he let me. I dropped our hands and pulled him, walking in no specific direction. I just needed him to trust me, even the least bit would be plenty.

I led him a bit further and halted to a stop, his hand still in mine.

"Where are we going?" he asked. His voice didn't seem so threatening anymore. Perfect.

I didn't answer him. Instead, I pulled him closer, not having the same intention that he thought I had.

I knew what I was going to do, but first, I needed to know one thing, "How did you know, Bren?"

"I'm not stupid, Gee. I saw the way you and Frank looked at each-other. You defended him and smiled at him. You used to hate him, then all of a sudden this? I knew. It was pretty obvious..." he trailed off. He sounded hurt and for a moment I felt bad for him, then I remembered what he tried on me.

I nodded. It made sense. I was stupid to think I could just avoid Brennon and the whole topic, without him ever having a single clue.

I resumed, pulling him even closer. Instead of kissing him like he expected, I touched him in a different sort of way. A more painful sort of way.

I gripped him by the shoulders and kneed him in the crotch. Hard.

He held himself, as if to lessen the pain, and crumpled to the ground. Success!

But I wasn't done yet. I kicked that father fucker in the chest getting another satisfying groan from him.

I spit at him and kicked him one last time. When I got enough, I sprinted away. I didn't run home, I ran in the direction of Frank's house.

If there was one person to make me feel safe and not so disgusting, it's Frank.


	9. Give me a reason to believe

**A/N: sorry that this took longer than i said it would but i have been trying. i dont want to seem pushy but reviews would be lovely because i would love to know that someone cares about this... ANYWAYS, on with the story! :D xx**

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><p>I heard a frantic knock at the door. I hadn't an idea who it could be.<p>

Maybe it's a salesperson, in which I would tell them I am uninterested. But I did know that it wasn't Mikey because he had to work today and it wasn't my mom for the same reason.

My excitement grew when I thought that it could be Gerard. Sure, I had seen him just yesterday, but who knows?

I leapt off the couch and onto my feet, stumbling as I approached the door.

As I opened it, I was shocked to see that the person standing before me was the last person I was expecting to see.

It was an unfortunate surprise, but none the less, it was Brennon.

_Brennon._

"What the fuck are you doing _here_?" I spat each word at him through clenched teeth. I suppose it was more the fact that he is not Gerard, but I found myself angrier than I have been in a while.

"I have to tell you something..." he told me, an almost sad look was plastered on his face.

"Like hell you do." I said and raised my hand, attempting to shut the door. But then, his own hand came in the way.

"Stop, just let me speak... Please?" I was extremely curious at what he had to say, but part of me refused to accept anything from such a bastardly excuse for a human.

"It's about Gerard..." he told me, hoping to catch my attention. Oh, he did alright. I was practically shaking as I was waiting for him to continue.

"...He kissed me."

Gerard would never even ponder about kissing Brennon. He is much smarter than that. It angered and baffled me that Brennon would even attempt to bring up such lies.

I opened my mouth to protest but he shushed me.

"Please, just listen. I saw him walking down the street, so I approached him. I wanted to apologize and ask what was going on. That's when he kissed me. I tried to make him stop but he wouldn't let go. He pushed harder and harder... I hated it. I kneed him in the balls and I got away... I had kind of already guessed about you two. It became quite obvious knowing what I had already known. So... so I felt you had the right to know... I mean, I hardly got away from him. I had to take a different route than he does to get here just so I wouldn't bump into him. I had never seen him like that..." he finished, a tear rolled down his face.

I couldn't move. Most of me didn't believe him, but a part of me couldn't help but wonder if he was telling the truth.

Gerard had done plenty of hurtful things to me, completely disregarding my feelings. Brennon was an attractive guy, I felt almost guilty to doubt Gerard, but I wouldn't be very surprised if what Brennon was telling me was true.

"I... Are you lying? Because it's so, so wrong to fuck with me this way..." I told him, hoping that if he was in fact lying, he would find some kindness in his heart to spare me.

"_What_! I know I had fucked with you before but why would I kid about something like that?"

"Well, I have no reason to believe you..." actually, I did have reasons to believe him, but he didn't need to know that...

"You know what? Fuck this! You can believe me if you want or you can ignore it and just get toyed with all over again. It's your decision. I just hope for your sake, you don't just brush it off because you're under his stupid spell or something."

That's when he walked away and I closed the door.

Stunned, I walked back over to the couch and sat down.

What if Gerard really did force the kiss on Brennon? If I brushed it off, like Brennon said, I would only get hurt again.

So many thoughts were nagging inside of me. Even though I didn't want to admit it, maybe Gerard was still the cruel sadist he used to be. But bad habits die hard.

I could feel hot tears stinging my eyes.

_I will not cry over this. I refuse to acknowledge it. Gerard didn't do that. Gerard wouldn't do that. Gerard is nice now. He likes you. Stop. Thinking._

But I couldn't help it. The tears that I was trying so hard to hold back began burning their way down face. I felt stupid crying over this. Gerard had done worse things to my in the past, I never cried. Why was I crying now?

I heard another knock on the door but this time it was faster and harder.

I debated on opening the door. I wanted to be alone right now but I what if it was important. By the sound of the knocking it seemed important.

I dragged my feet as I headed towards the knocking.

I was taken aback by the fact that even before I had fully opened the door, someone had crushed their lips to mine. I immediately, without a second thought, assumed it was Gerard. It had to be. Besides, it tasted and felt like Gerard.

Regardless, I pushed him away. I hadn't come to any conclusions about what Brennon had clued me into. But my mind made itself up as anger bubbled up in my blood and my face twisted with disgust.

He looked distressed and I almost felt bad for him but my brain wouldn't let me care.

"Brennon stopped by a second ago. He told me what you did!" at this point I couldn't stop myself from accusing him. I was hardly in control of myself and I so badly wanted to stop before I said something stupid.

Gerard was baffled at what I was saying but he seemed to know what I was talking about, which only made me more angry and sure of what was coming out of my mind.

"You piece of fucking worthless shit! Did you even think of me as you shoved your damned tongue down his throat! Get the fuck out of my sight!" each word was acid, just the way I liked it to be.

"No! Stop! I didn't, I swear! How- I thought I got rid of him!"

"Got rid of him? I bet that was the last thing that you wanted! What? Am I not good enough for you? Next thing I know you're fucking someone else!"

He looked at me with frustration all over his face.

"I would never do that to you!" he tried once more but I just gave a cruel chuckle in response.

"That's a lie! How could you say you would never do that to me when you tormented me every single day at school. You swore at me and beat me up. And with the help of Brennon, too!" Tears were rolling down my face non-stop. I felt more sad than angry but my anger was all I was going to show. The tears, I couldn't help but show.

He came closer to me and attempted to embrace me, to calm me down, but I shook him off.

"Please Frank... Just listen... I'm sorry! I think I clearly showed I was sorry already. Deep down I know that you don't believe the lies he has told kissed me. He forces himself on me! I didn't want anything to do with him! I couldn't do that to you... I... I love you..."

My head my throbbing at the mixes of emotions Gerard just caused me. I loved him to.

I so badly wanted to say, "Oh, I love you too, Gerard!" but I couldn't.

Gerard put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me inside, closing the door behind us. I let him because after what he had just told me, I wanted him to say and do everything on his power to change my mind. I wanted to believe him.

"I love you, Frank. Deep down, I always have. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it." he cooed in my ear. "Yes, we kissed. But, believe me, he forced me to. I didn't want him to. I ran over here as soon as I managed to get away from him, hoping you would make me feel better. I promise I will never hurt you."

Even though part of me felt like I was being foolish by letting myself believe him and "fall under his spell", the other part of me was saying I was being foolish simply for believing that he would ever do something to hurt me again.

He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight, as if he would never let me go, then planted a feather light kiss on my forehead.

"Do you believe me? Please believe me..." he pleaded.

I nodded my head.

_Everything was going so well. Don't fuck up and mess it all up again. Just let it be, whatever happens, happens. Don't even worry about Brennon; he is a waste of time and not worth it._

"I'm glad. So..."

I looked up at him for real, to meet his eyes for the first time today.

"'So' what?" I asked.

"Do you... feel the same way?" he looked so worried and it was really cute. I wanted to leave him like that and just stare at his expression but I couldn't have him feeling that way.

"Yes, of course. Sorry I doubted you... It's just-"

He silenced me with a kiss. It wasn't a sloppy, lustful kiss, but it was just as passionate. It's cheesy, but just by looking at him, I got butterflies.

Leave it to Gee to make everything all better.


	10. If this is what you want

"Well, after everything we've been through, I owe you that much." he purred, lightly kissing my forehead.

Its times like this that count the most: watching amazing movies, like _Dawn of the Dead_, as you sit there, being held by an even more amazing guy.

"You don't have to, you know. There is no rush..." I told him this to make him comfortable but I so badly wanted that from him.

"No, trust me, I want to. My parents deserve to know. Even more importantly, you deserve it." he spoke only a notch louder than a whisper, even though we were the only ones in the house.

"I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am about today. You didn't deserve that." This was about the millionth time he had apologized today. He pulled me closer as if to emphasize what he meant.

Gerard stayed over after the little ordeal with Brennon. We sat there and watched movies while kissing and holding the other. Gerard and I are "puke-ably" cute. It would make anyone sick but it makes me proud.

I felt silly for ever doubting him; embarrassed even. But he reassured me by saying I had reason to doubt him. He said that after everything he had done to me, anyone else would react the same way I did.

I made him vow that he wouldn't confront Brennon yet because I know that would end terribly and with dire consequences. I asked Gerard to wait it out some.

When confrontation was mentioned it led to talk about his parents. After what happened, Gerard was tiered of hiding. He "wanted me and wanted to make sure everyone knew it too". Those were his exact words. And now, here we are.

"You know what? I'm going to tell them right now. My parents should be home." That's Gerard for you; when he decides upon something, he will exceed the farthest measures to make sure it happens.

"No, stay. You can talk to them later."

I wanted him to tell his parents but I also didn't want him to get carried away and ruin himself.

When I came out, my mom was fine (though she seemed awkward about it at first, she dealt) it was my dad who wasn't as happy (he wanted a normal son, the thought of anything different bothered him). Although everything turned out good for me (family-wise), I had taken it slow. But for Gee, things could turn out badly, especially since he is jumping at it.

And I didn't want things to turn out badly for him...

"I need to do this now. It's gnawing away at me." Gerard's voice was determined. I could tell he wasn't going to drop it until I let him leave.

"Fine..."

We said our good byes. He kissed me and made extra sure that everything would turn out fine. I wanted to be convinced of him but I wouldn't be relived until after, when he tells me what happened.

I know I'm not the only guy who likes guys in this god damned town. I also know that I am one of the only whose parents took it well.

So if you were in my shoes, you would understand why I was so nervous for Gerard.

**~~Hours Later~~**

Sweet Pea needed a walk before she decides to shit on my bed. I too needed a walk, and I too needed to get rid of shit. Unlike her, I needed to get rid of the shit on my mind, rather than up my ass.

It was about ten that Sunday night, and even though my mom was worried I'd get jumped or kidnapped or something, I persuaded her in letting me leave for a bit. It's nothing I haven't done before.

I hooked the leash onto Sweet Pea's collar, then left the house, closing the door behind me with a sigh.

I took a deep breath, inhaling the cool night air. It's exactly why I liked night time. The air always had a chilly bite to it. Everything always seemed to be so placid and untouched, even in a place like New Jersey.

I decided to walk to the closest park. You tend to find a few used needles here and there but nothing I haven't seen before.

On the way there, Sweet Pea paused at a few polls and trees sniffing at the piss left there from other dogs. It's always nice to just watch her. She doesn't seem to have a care in the world. Maybe that's why I love animals much; they are so care free. I admire them.

I stepped onto the slightly wet grass from the previous rainy weather. It was extra dark here since there are hardly any street lights, but I'm not scared. I may be small but I could put on a good fight if one arose.

As strolled the park with Sweet Pea, walking by the playground, my eyes were immediately drawn the still body of a boy. He was shrivelled up (possibly sleeping?) on the park bench, facing the opposite direction of me.

I'd seen lifeless drug users plenty of times before, napping away a long and hard come-down, especially since I'm from Jersey. So this was nothing new to me. But something about this guy caught my attention.

I cautiously walked over to the bench where he lay. When I got close enough, I could hear he was breathing heavily and letting out what sounded like little whimpers.

Every cell in my body was telling me how stupid and wrong I was being. What if this guy jumps up and shoots me or something? But I couldn't help my curiosity. There was just something so... familiar about his figure.

I went to poke his shoulder but then hesitated. My brain told me to stop; it's a bad idea. But... everything else told me otherwise.

I went forth and ever so gently gave him, whoever he was, a tap. I let my finger rest on him. I don't know why.

I felt the guy before me tense up under my touch.

I knew this "druggie". He wasn't so much of a "druggie". I can't believe I didn't realize it earlier. It was so obvious to me now.

He slowly turned his body and he tilted his head to face me. He seemed a hint frightened at first, and then his expression softened when he saw who it was. But soon the relief and content washed away angst manipulated his face.

The beautiful hazel eyes that met my own gaze weren't just of anyone's.

The boy who I found pathetically sleeping on a bench... it was Gerard. 


	11. I would drive on to the end with you

"G- Gerard?" I whispered. I so badly wanted it to be some random guy that looked scarily similar to Gerard, but I knew otherwise.

"G- Gee? Is that you?" I tried again. He just stared back at me with glassy eyes. He looked both in awe and nervous. I was scared.

The boy swallowed hard and finally answered me, "Frank? What are you doing here?

Yep, it was him. Now what?

"What I'm doing here? What are you doing here?" I immediately regretted the hint of anger in my voice. I suppose I have been betrayed so much that I am expectant of the fact that I found Gerard here to be the seed of even more hurt. I was tired of hurt. I didn't want anymore of it.

Gerard got out of his position to sit up. I took it as a chance to make myself comfortable beside him. I had a feeling this would take a while. Besides, no matter what, I love being close to Gee.

"I... I told my parents like I said I would. They weren't very... happy about it." he told me.

I placed my hand over his so that he would hopefully be comfortable enough to continue.

"They kicked me out. My parents...they kicked me out of the house. We... we had this big fight when I told them... Mikey tried to stand up for me and dad hit him. I said some things to my parents when I saw Mikey crying. I- I guess I kind of exploded. They kicked me out. They said I couldn't come back until I got my head straight..." he told me everything as if it was nothing but a painful and distant memory.

The beautiful boy before me was crying while observing his feet. I tried to put my arm around him to comfort him but he only pushed me away. The distance was because of the shame he was feeling and that he didn't want anybody's pity, I could tell. But even though he did keep away during the silence after he had told me about what had happened, I kind of praised him for keeping so strong. The fact that he wasn't full out bawling his eyes out, but silently weeping to himself, was so shocking to me. I don't know how strong I could keep if I was in his position. Sure, I had been partially abandoned when I came out, but not like this and not by my own family.

I felt a pang of hurt when I mentally went through all of his words. Why hadn't he come to me? I would have let him stay at my house...

So I asked him. He answered me with, "I couldn't. I just... I couldn't. I guess I have too much pride or some shit like that..."

But now that I'm here, Gerard will come with me for sure. I'd make him.

"C'mon Gee. Let's go to my place. There is no way I'm letting you stay here like this."

He simply nodded in reply as I wrapped my arms around his cold and clammy skin. He shivered beneath me; there could be plenty of reasons for this.

I lead him back to my place. The three of us: Sweet Pea, Gerard, and I, walked in silence the whole way there. Even Sweet Pea didn't utter a sound to break the relaxing quiet of the night. All was far too still; it, in some strange and sick way, fit the situation perfectly.

* * *

><p>I turned the knob, opening the door. As Gerard and I stepped inside my home, I noticed all the lights were off. This means my mom was probably sound asleep by now...<p>

I told Gee to not be too loud. I didn't want her to wake up.

I wasn't going to mention Gerard sleeping over because the woman would lecture me on how I "must ask before having a friend over" or how "it's a weeknight and sleep is necessary for school the next day".

I gestured for Gee to step into my room and he did, rather smoothly, might I add. Even though everything about him looked messy and distressed, I couldn't help but admire him as he walked forward, paying special attention to his ass.

I licked my lips. There were so, so many dirty things I wanted to do to him right now.

But I know I couldn't; not with him feeling so down and my mom trying to sleep in the other room, completely oblivious to the fact that Gee is staying here in the first place.

Gerard silently strode over to my bed and making himself comfortable. He pulled the sheets over himself and hugged his knees close to his chest. He looked so vulnerable and frail. It hurt me to see him like this.

I closed the door so if Gerard and I talked or something, my mom would be stripped of the noise. He didn't need yet another person bitching at him.

I crawled into bed with Gerard and wrapped an arm around his waist, pulling him in as close as physically possible.

My warm breath surrounded Gerard's neck as I kissed him. He reacted with a slow and shaky exhale. By this point, I was plenty hard but I felt bad about it. I shouldn't want anything of that manner from Gerard when he was in such a depressed state. It was wrong and selfish.

"Frankie? I'm scared. I don't know what I will do..." he admitted after a long while of comforting silence. The quiet was completely in his hands. If he wanted to break it, it was all up to him. I want what he wants. Besides, right now, he's hurting far worse than I am. His parents practically disowned him.

"You can stay here as long as you need to, babe. I'm here for you. In fact, you should have come to me in the first place." I mumbled through kisses, my lips lingering on his neck. I meant everything I told him. I will be here for him as long as he needs me to be.

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't... I hurt you so much and then just go ask you to stay here? I can't do that."

"But you know I would say yes..."

"Yeah but that would be taking advantage of you. That's the last thing I want: to just use you."

"What if I want to be used?" I asked seductively. I so badly wanted to change the topic. This mood was just so...upsetting.

"Frank, I'm being serious." Unfortunately, Gerard seemed as if he rather things be glum.

"So am I."

"Frank..."

"Gerard..." I mocked his overly-stern voice. I wanted to uplift his mood but he wasn't helping.

He shifted his body to face me. I gave him my best pout and puppy-dog eyes.

"Frank, I'm trying to have a proper conversation with you. Right now is not the time to joke around."

"I know but is it so wrong of me to try and make you feel better?" This was going nowhere fast.

He plainly sighed.

"I'm not about to give up on that goal either," I added.

Just to push the envelope and hopefully take his mind off of things, I snaked my hands up his shirt, massaging his chest.

He groaned in reply, whether from pleasure of annoyance, I don't know. But what I do know is that I liked it, even if it wasn't for the reason I wanted it to be.

"Frankie, please just-" Gerard tried to get back on topic but I interrupted. There was absolutely no point in trying to sooth him if it was going nowhere.

"Fine. What do you want me to say? That it's wrong for you to be here. Gerard, I rather you be with me, in my bed, than on the streets like some... some..." I couldn't finish my sentence. I just couldn't.

But he did for me and it sure as hell stung. "Like some what? Like some homeless person? Is that what you were going to say?" I winced at his words. It surprised me how bitter Gerard could be at times.

"Gerard, you know I didn't mean that..."

"But that's what you were going to say, right? But," he chuckled cruelly. "technically speaking, that's what I am now. I have nowhere to go. So, that makes me homeless. Don't deny it,"

"No, I will deny it." I said, bringing my hands up to gently hold his face. I looked him straight in the eye when I continued, "You do have somewhere to go. Here. With me. That's where you are now, isn't it? So no, baby, you are not homeless. You will always have me." That softened him up a bit. I could tell because the ends of his lips twitched and turned up into a small smile.

I kissed his forehead and he sighed again, this time it was a happy sigh.

"Now," I began, "we have school tomorrow. It's getting late, so we should sleep,"

He nodded his head and kissed me, running his tongue mostly on my bottom lip. I opened my mouth, granting him entrance, not that he ever really needs my permission.

Gerard briefly (way too brief for my liking) wrestled my tongue with his. Then, he pulled away, tugging at my bottom lip as he did so.

When he was done with me, he said, "Okay, now we can go to sleep." That sadistic imp.

He engulfed me in his warm embrace while I dug my face into his neck, deeply inhaling his hypnotizing scent.

I'm really falling for this guy, I can tell. I know he likes me but just hope he also shares the same strong feelings I have.


	12. Lay down, mark the grave

_...and he pushed into me. I bit my lip hard when he did, tasting the metallic consequence._

_"Are you alright, baby?" he purred into my ear. I nodded my head, still butting my lip._

_Even though it hurt a bit, I had yearned for this opportunity so bad and now I got what I wanted, but I'm not so sure if I do anymore._

_His nails dug into my hips but not so hard for it to puncture my skin._

_He pulled back a little and advanced back in me once more, causing me to moan out curses._

_For some reason, my memory was hazy. I could hardly remember how I got to this point..._

_We kept going for another minute or so, before I could feel myself coming. This was not as good as I thought it would be. I kind of wanted to stop..._

_"You are not coming before me," he growled but it wasn't lustful or caring. If anything, it was threatening. It wasn't my fault he was slow._

_"I don't want this anymore..." I mumbled under my breath. Wrong move._

_He covered my mouth with his hand, forbidding me to speak, moan, or express myself in any manner._

_There wasn't much I could do about my situation. I was under him, on my stomach, while he was fucking me. I don't want to turn things into a big mess, so I should just wait it off, I thought to myself._

_He came. I could feel it in me, literally. But luckily, he had a condom on, so it wasn't as big of a problem._

_He pulled out completely, falling beside me, on his back._

_He sighed a happy sounding sigh and asked, "So how was that?"_

_I couldn't bring myself to answer, nor could I bring myself to even look at him._

_It was terrible. I hated it. I suppose at first, it's what I wanted, but now, I just regret it._

_After a few moments of silence, he got the point, "So it was that bad, huh? So bad that you can't even look at me? Look at me... Look at me!" He grabbed my face with, his fingers bore into my skin, forcing me to look at him._

_A smirk was plastered across Brennon's face. Brennon's face. Not Gerard's._

_"What? Are you upset that it was me rather than Gerard? Well, too bad. It was me who fucked you, not him."_

_I shook my head. No, it was supposed to be Gerard that would be with me. Not Brennon._

_"Aww, c'mon, Frankie... Frankie? Frankie?"_

**_**XX**_**

I jumped, and my whole body shot up. My skin felt sweaty and cold.

Before me, was none other than Gerard. His was beautiful face, so, so close to mine.

It was a dream, a nightmare, I realized. There is not a chance in hell I would screw around with Brennon.

"Frankie? Are you alright? It was just a dream, baby." Gee reassured me.

"Just a dream..." I repeated with a nod.

"Want to talk about it?"

I paused for a second. Should I...?

I didn't want to keep anything from Gee but at the same time I didn't want to disappoint him.

"I... I had a dream that Brennon and I...you know..." I inspected his face for any sign of anger or anything of the sorts.

He didn't look mad. He looked sympathetic.

Gerard's dark hair was mop on his head. His eyes looked tiered. Everything about him was a complete mess but he looked amazing to me, nonetheless.

Rubbing my arm, he leaned in and whispered in my ear, "We have about thirty minutes before we have to get up and get ready for school. I can get your mind off that dream if you want..."

I glanced at my digital clock. He was right. School wasn't until 9am. 7:20 shone in bright red. Besides, it didn't take me very long to get ready.

He didn't back away after telling me this. Instead, he began nibbling my ear lobe, which made me giggle. He probably rather a moan come from me, but I couldn't help it. It tickled.

"Don't...even... worry... about...him." He spoke between bites.

When he was done with my ear, he moved on to my neck.

I let my hand drop to the small of his back, creeping my fingers under his shirt.

Gerard sucked on various parts of my neck and the places surrounding it. We just kissed and touched until we had to get up. I know it wasn't much, but it meant a lot to me.

I couldn't help but doubt myself after that dream. Did it mean anything? It couldn't. I was with Gerard. I love Gerard.

Wait! Did I just- did I just think that? So... I love Gerard...  
>I just admitted it to myself.<p>

A bit more than a week ago, I never would have thought I'd use the word "love" to describe my feelings towards Gerard. Guess I proved myself wrong.

I will sneak Gerard some breakfast and lend him some clothing. He can crawl out of my window and meet me on my front yard to walk to school. This way, my mom won't find out that Gerard slept here last night.

I'm guessing Mikey will bring Gerard his back-pack, notebook, etc. If not, we can stop by at the Way home for a short moment to grab all his stuff.

So I, eventually, will have to ask my mom about Gerard crashing here for the time being, since he doesn't have anywhere else to really stay. I will have to. I can't just keep him a secret forever...

* * *

><p><strong>Ya, so this chapter was a bit sucky, short, and unsatisfying, but i was very tired when writing this, nor did i have very much time to write it. So please forgive. Reviews would be lovely. :) xx<strong>


	13. Then fire at will

Everything went by smoothly this morning. My mom didn't catch us or even suspect a thing. I suppose Mikey knew, first hand, that Gee was incapable to get a hold of what he needed. So, being the amazing brother he is, he brought Gerard's stuff to him for school today. Mikey sometimes doesn't really know how great he truly is.

Gerard and I sat side-by-side, eating our lunches under a tree, which provided us with shade. He took another bite of his nectarine as he pulled out patches of grass with his spare hand. His face was a perfect picture of worry and guilt. There wasn't a single doubt in my mind to why the thoughts that were corrupting his beautiful face got there to start with.

"Hey. Stop moping. Its okay, baby. I've got this all figured out, okay?" I reassured him, giving his knee a quick squeeze.

He nodded but kept his head low.

"Are you going to say anything? You we perfectly fine before..." I pressed the issue. There is no way I'm just going to let him stay upset forever.

He didn't respond.

"Gee..."

"What, Frank?" he finally spoke up, but he sounded irritated.

I was taken aback but when I replied, my voice was filled with an unnecessary amount of venom I didn't intend on. "You know fucking 'what'! You don't need to snap! So what your parents kicked you out? You still have me..." I added the last sentence when I saw Gee wince at my words. I sounded so fucking stupid; "you still have me." I don't and could never take the place of family, but it didn't change the fact that what I said was true. He did have me.

"...I'll talk to my mom about you staying for a while. I hope she doesn't mind. I sure as hell don't." I continued, smirking. This was going to be a fun while. As long as Gerard doesn't keep this up...

He simply nodded his head once again and re-enter in his little shell.

"I love you." I bluntly told him. I felt extremely nervous as soon as I spoke the words. Sure, I wanted to catch his attention and get any emotion, except for gloominess, out of him, but I also wanted for him to know how I felt, even if "how I felt" only occurred to me this morning. I meant what I said with everything I had.

He looked up at me, his hazel orbs almost falling out of his socket.

"W-what?" Gee stuttered. It was cute to see him so nervous. In fact, I'd be cherishing his face right now if it wasn't for the fact that his nervousness, indeed, matched mine.

"I love you." I repeated, my voice didn't deceive me for once, remaining solid and strong, just adding emphasis to what I was trying to imply and how much truth was behind it.

At first, he just gawked at me, dumbstruck. But once what I said registered to him, he smiled.

"I- I love you, too, Frankie." At that moment, I felt like the whole world was on my side. It felt as if there wasn't a single worry out there and nothing could get in my way. It was the best feeling. Ever.

I leaned forward as we kissed. No tongue, no fast-paced, lust-filled, making out. Just a simple, light peck. But there was still so, so much passion and longing.

I removed my lips from his, licking them, tasting Gerard still on my skin.

"C'mon, we should get to class," he told me, pulling me to my feet.

I'm glad to see Gee's mood being uplifted. It's just depressing watching him like that.

Gee kept flashing me smiles while packing up his things. He threw out his garbage and picked up his notebook.

Interlocking our fingers, he led me back inside. Too bad the only class the two of us had together is math. I know I didn't think this at the beginning of the year, but a lot of things have changed since then.

Luckily, Brennon hadn't shown up today. Not that I'm saddened of surprised by this. He's such a coward.

I don't know what I'll do once I see Brennon. It would take a lot not to beat the living shit out of him.

Gerard walked back home to my place with me, after school.

I was planning on running through Gee staying here for a while, with my mom. Even though I often do, I don't like lying to my mom. And though I don't always show it, I love her and want to be able to tell her everything. She was the first, except for Gerard and Mikey, that I went to when I came to the realization that I was gay and had enough guts to tell someone so.

When we got inside, Gee threw his stuff on my couch and sat down; I sat beside him, making myself comfortable. We asked Mikey if he could drop some more of Gerard's belongings at my place because he would be living here for a little while.

"Mom, I'm home! Gee's here!" I bellowed for my mom to hear.

"I'm right here, in the kitchen. Do you boys want any snacks?" she asked us. I could feel my cheeks flush when I realized yelling like I did was unnecessary and stupid; my mom was only a second away and could hear me just fine if I spoke at a normal volume. Gerard chuckled at my obliviousness and I gave him the finger, joking, of course.

I got up to go to the kitchen where my mom was, telling Gerard to just stay there and watch T.V. or something.

This was just as good a time as any to let my mom know about his "little stay". Besides, I really wanted to get it out of the way.

"Hey mom? Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked, walking in.

Mom immediately paused what she was doing and turned to me, a serious and worried expression plastered across her face.

"Yes? Is everything alright?" she answered with a question.

"Um... Well, the thing is, Gerard... he kind of... His parents kicked him out and I was wondering if-"

"He can stay here?" she finished.

I nodded to confirm her thoughts.

"Absolutely not! After everything that boy made you go through? Why would you ever want him to live here!"

I gaped at her. I was enraged by her reply but I had to admit, she was right like mothers always are. But...

"But I love him!" I said before I could stop myself. Now it was her turn to gape at me. I can't believe that just came out of my mouth...


	14. We'll find some other way

**This is in Gerard's POV, just so you know. I felt it needed to be.**

* * *

><p>I wonder if they know I can hear everything their saying...<p>

This is kind of a bitter sweet moment for me. Frank is admitting to his mom that he loves me, which makes me happier than I could ever explain. But Frank's mom, Linda (which is what she told me a while back, she prefers to be called) still hates me if her son loves me or not.

"What!" she exclaimed, in disbelief of what her son just blurted out.

"I- I love him..." Frank repeated, quieter this time.

"Frank... I don't know what to say... Does he know?"

"Yeah... I told him today."

"What did he say?"

"He... he loves me back. Well, at least that's what he told me. That's why he got kicked out, mom. He's gay."

"Oh..."

"So please, mom. Can he stay here?"

I couldn't hear anything after that. Just muffled voices and it was killing me. I was anxious as hell but I stayed still, waiting for a cry, a yell, anything.

Then I heard it. It was Frank's voice, "But you don't understand! He has no where to go mom! His parents won't let him be at home and he needs me! What the fuck is wrong with you!"

My eyes were bulging out of my head. Frank sometimes back-talks his mother but never like this...

It was bad; I could tell. I wonder what she had said... Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

The guilt was coming over me again. I caused this. If I didn't rush things so much, this wouldn't be happening right now.

Before I could even blink, Frankie stormed out of the kitchen and ran to his room. After that, all I heard was a door slamming.

Linda walked in. I stood up to my feet.

She had a stern look on her face. She seemed hurt and shocked but refused to show it; I could tell.

"Gerard, I'm going to ask you to leave now." Linda told me.

I nodded, grabbed my stuff and left quietly.

I hadn't a single clue of my next destination.

Where would I go? Where could I stay?

Well, my grandmother was always an option. But she was a little while away. It would take fifteen to thirty minutes to drive but without access to a car, walking was my only option and that could take a few hours. Not to mention, what if my grandma, like my parents, didn't accept me. What if she hates me when she finds out? What then?

Simply walking nowhere in particular, a small amount of hope arose when my phone vibrated in my pocket. It could be a telemarketer but then again... it could be Frank, Mikey, or even my parents calling me to come back home.

"Hello?" I answered.

"I don't care what she says. You're staying here, okay? So come back. You can climb into my window. She doesn't have to find out," Obviously, it was Frank in the other line.

"Wait Frank. Slow down, okay? I can't. Your mom hates me. You don't need this."

"But I need you. And quite frankly, you need me too. Sorry to break it to you, but here is the best option,"

He's right; he usually is.

"I can stay at my grandmothers." I told him, giving him a false sense of hope.

"Gee, I used to be your best-friend. I know where your grandma lives. How would you get there, hm?"

"I could walk. It's not terribly far."

"By car it's not terribly far. By foot, it's _plenty_far."

"No, I'm walking there." Okay, I was acting stubborn, but I was doing it for Frank.

"Stop it Gee. I can see what you're doing. I'm not stupid. At least let me drive you. I have my license, you know." He can see right through me, can't he?

"And with what car?"

"My mom's car. She will think I'm upstairs and wouldn't even have a clue. I can get in and out without her ever noticing. Please let me drive you..."

"Okay... Just be careful."

"I will!" He cheered.

I'm terrible. I feel like I'm using Frankie. I hate myself for it. He deserves better than that.

"Where are you?" Frank asked.

"At the end of Salter Rd.,"

"Okay, I'll be right there. Stay where you are." Not like I had anywhere else to be...

After that, the line went dead. So now, I just stand here, lonesome, awaiting Frankie to get here.

I rubbed my sweaty, cold hands on my jeans. I felt numb.

I know Frank wants me to stay with him but I just can't. His mom was right; I put Frank through so much shit, especially when he needed me most, and now, he's going to go do something so big for _me_? I don't deserve him. In fact, I deserve getting kicked out with nowhere to go. I'm a bad person.

Linda's black mini-van that was in dire need of a good washing, pulled up beside me. The windows were dark so it was hard for me to see through them, but I knew it was Frank. Who else?

I was wrong.

I pulled the front passenger seat open, but the face in front of me wasn't the beautiful face I know and love. Quite the contrary. Though, they were the same hazel eyes...

"Frankie is usually good at sneaking out then simply keeping to himself. So its too bad he got caught because he is a terrible liar. Hop in, Gerard."

It wasn't Frank, oh no. But it was Frank's mom.

I got in the car, not knowing what else to do.

"Um..." I didn't know what to say. I was dumb-struck, once again.

"Don't worry, Frank told me where your grandmother lives. He's been there before with you and Mikey when you were much younger."

"Okay... Thank you Mrs. Iero. You didn't have to do this."

"I know. I didn't. Especially after everything... But hey, it's better than letting you roam the streets..."

"Yeah..."

"Oh, and by the way, it's not Mrs. Iero. I'm not married anymore. Just call me Linda. Like before."

I nodded. We didn't speak after that. Any conversation would most likely lead to all the things I'd prefer to leave undiscussed. The only noise was hum of the motor and 60's music on the radio.


	15. If you were here, I'd never have a fear

"Its okay, Gerard. Do you know her number? Maybe we could call or something?" I heard a female voice, most likely my mom's, speak past my closed door. They're home.

I buried my head further into my pillow. I hope Gee isn't mad at me. I don't want him to feel deceived by the fact that I told my mom about picking him up. I usually manage sneaking out and there is no straight lying afterwards, but my mom caught me. She went in front to take out the trash. There, she spotted me sneaking out my window, _her_ keys in _my_hands.

She demanded "what in the world" I was doing. I attempted to lie, don't get me wrong, but I failed miserably. I'm hopeless.

"Yeah... I guess. Are you sure about this, Linda? I mean... I know you don't want me here. In fact, I don't deserve to be here. And I'm sure you have your reasons for not wanting me here..." Gerard's voice spoke. It was soothing to hear him talk. It made me feel better.

"I do dear, I do. I can't tell you or Frankie why and that must be uncomforting but don't worry about it and for the moment. Just… do you mind keeping your presence here in the quiet?"

"Of course..."

"Thank you. Oh, and Frank is just in his room, if you want to see him."

I don't get it... so Gerard _is_staying here now? What about his grandma?

There was a faint knock at my bedroom door.

I grunted in approval and he let himself in.

"Hey, Frankie,"

"Hey, Gee. What happened?"

"Honestly? I have no idea... My Grandma, she wasn't home, I guess. Your mom decided she will let me stay here until we can get a hold of her but we can't tell anyone. I don't know why. Do you?"

"No. She didn't even tell me why I wasn't allowed to have you stay, which is why I got mad: cause she wouldn't tell me."

"Oh. Well, I stopped at my place and got Mikey to come out and give me some more of my stuff. I got a sleeping bag; your mom said I wasn't allowed to sleep in your bed with you."

"That's smart of her. She knows me too well." I said with a smirk. Maybe this situation wasn't all that bad.

Gerard mirrored my expression. He understood where I was getting at, and closed the door.

"Well, now, we're roommates. What do you suggest we do as 'roommates'?" His voice was husky; making it was hard for me not to pounce on him right then and there. Speaking of "hard"...

"I- I don't know. What do you suggest we do?"

"Well..." he began, getting closer and closer and closer. Soon, he was standing right beside my bed. I sat up on my bed to rid of the remaining distance.

He kneeled down, our noses almost touching. "We could do this..." he said and kissed me.

Slightly pulling away, he murmured, "Or this..." Deepening the kiss, he slipped his tongue past my lips, flicking his tongue on the roof of my mouth. I caressed his tongue with mine, wanting more but, at the same time, not wanting to rush anything.

"Or..." Trailing his hands down to my pants, he slipped them into my boxers. "...this" he whispered into my ear, taking hold of my dick.

I gasped at his touch.

Then he completely pulled away, standing up and heading for my bedroom door. "Or not. Whatever you want." he said, the most evil grin plastered across his face.

"Gerard, you fucking sadist!" I whined, making a pouty face I was hoping he'd buy. "Come take care of what you started!" I commanded, pointing down at my crotch.

"Boys! Supper!" Yelled my mom, from the kitchen I'm presuming.

Ugh... Don't get me wrong, I love food but I love other things more...

**XXXX**

After supper, Gerard and I came back to my room, shutting the door and positioning a chair in front of it, so not a soul could get inside.

_Knock, knock!_

Really? It's like the world was against me tending to my needs.

"Yes?"

The knob twisted; my mom's attempt at opening the door.

"Frank, why is the door locked?" she asked from the other side.

Was she stupid? I want my privacy.

"Leave, mom. Please?"

"Frank Anthony Thomas Iero Jr.! You know my conditions! No locked doors when Gerard is here!"

"Ugh! Fine!"

I stomped my way to my door and removed the chair from under the knob so it could easily be opened.

She opened it only to further nag me.

"Tomorrow is a school night so I expect you to start getting ready for bed shortly. No exceptions. Understood?"

"Yes, mother." I replied, sighing heavily in an annoyed manner.

As soon as she left, I gave Gee a sinister smile. I decided what I wanted tonight, and I'm going to make sure I get it.

Gerard and I did whatever innocent activity we could to make sure those measly moments went by until bedtime, when all lights, including my mother's, got turned off.

**XXXX**

We slipped in our own resting spots; Gerard in a sleeping-bag on the floor, and I in my bed.

There wasn't too much of a distance between us (probably no more than a foot) but regardless, it felt like miles.

We both turned to our sides and faced each-other. We just stared into the other's eyes, wanting to be doing so much more at the moment, but enjoying our company anyways. We knew we needed to wait a bit later in the night, so my mom would be sound asleep and incapable of being bothered.

"Frankie?" Gee whispered.

"Hmm?"

"Now?"

I nodded in response. I didn't care anymore. The wait has been agonizing and at least a good thirty minutes. We deserved this.

He exhaled sharply and crawled out of his sleeping bag.

I scooted over and pulled up the covers, motioning for him to lounge beside me on my bed. He did as I asked and draped his arms around me.

He began to nibble at my neck, exactly the way he knew I liked.

"Mmm... Gerard." I moaned quietly. I constantly had to remind myself not to be loud. I couldn't be because we both knew how terribly that would end.

"Frank?" He asked. His voice was small and feeble, making him seem the smallest bit innocent.

"Hmm?" I was still too deep into the sensation he gave me, to be fully coherent.

"Do you think...maybe...? Could we go all the way?"

"Sex?"

He nodded. I nodded after him.

I wanted to. The only reason I hadn't before is because I wanted to take it slow. I didn't want to scare Gerard off by rushing him.

"Really?" His voice squeaked when he said this.

Why did he have to be so fucking cute?

"If you want to, I'm all for."

"Yes."

I mentally cursed myself when I remembered. "I don't have anything... You know, like lubricant or condoms..."

"I don't care."

"But-"

"I do not care, Frank."

"Okay."

"I'll even go bottom."

"Really?"

"Of course,"

To verify what he was saying and how much he meant it, Gerard stripped himself of his shirt and proceeded to remove mine.

Soon enough we were both half naked, our eyes grazing the other's body hungrily.

I took off my pyjama pants, revealing my whole body. I didn't usually wear underwear to bed; I found this extremely convenient at the moment.

I looked at Gerard's eyes to see they were completely and utterly glued to my very nude lower half.

"See anything you like?" I teased.

"I need you in me." Gee answered, completely straight-forward. The guy knows what he wants, and he wants it now. Luckily for him, I was 100% happy and obliged to give it to him.

In one swift movement, he too took off his own pyjama pants, he too was underwear-less.

I crawled on top of him and kissed his lips. I let my mouth linger on his for a while before continuing.

I recently discovered how much I really do love the boy before me. Tonight, I am devoted to making sure he both understands and feels this.

I stopped kissing Gerard and flipped him over.

"Suck my fingers." I told him. If I didn't have lube, I'd find another way.

He did as I asked and began sucking three of my fingers.

I couldn't help but emit a moan. It was such a small act, but it's not my fault how easily he arouses me.

I pulled my fingers out of his mouth.

"Are you ready, baby?" I wanted to make sure he was comfortable, more so than I.

I imagined our "first time" with me on bottom, but it didn't go so much like I expected. This was different, but still good.

"Just do it." If that's what he wants...

I inserted a finger into him and he sighed.

"Are you okay?" I asked, truly concerned. I expected any noise but a sigh. Not that I wanted it to, but wasn't the first time supposed to hurt?

"Yeah... I just expected it to be worse. Keep going."

I did as he asked and put in another finger.

"Keep going." he quickly muttered.

"Slow down. Doesn't it hurt?"

"I don't care about the pain. I just want to get to the good part. I want you in me. Do I have to repeat myself?"

"Shhh... No need to be a bitch, baby..." I stated, adding a third finger into him, taking all three out, and without a warning, driving my cock into his ass. "...'cause I can be one too."

I felt him clench his muscles around me. I moaned from the feeling.

"You okay, _Gee_?" I tried to come off put-together, but failed. I moaned his name, not sounding nearly as concerned as I sought after.

"Yeah... Again."

"Demanding, are we?"

I thrust into him again, a bit harder this time, then again and again. Each time, he clenched, each time, I moaned. I don't even know if I cared that he was okay, the feeling, the tightness, the sweat, the noises; it was all ecstasy to me.

"Fuck Gee... Oh god!" I closed my eyes as they rolled back. I bit his shoulder, trying to avoid over-vocalizing. I simply sang my moans into his skin. This way, they'd be partially muffled.

I brought my hands from his hips to his dick, gripping him wichever way felt best. I began pumping my hands in rhythm with my hips, pushing into him harder when I pumped harder.

I soon realized my selfishness. It was beyond obvious how much I was enjoying this, but was he? He wasn't as loud as I was; only letting out small moans and gasps and breaths every so often.

So, I began thrusting into him from different angles, attempting to come upon his "spot". But, oh boy, once I did...

"Holy living fuck, Frank! Ugh! Do that again." Now that's music to my ears.

I did as I was told. And I did it again and again, faster and harder, as much as humanly possible, my hands keeping up.

"Oh my god, Frank... Ugh- more! I'm almost- almost there..." he panted.

Conveniently, I came right before him, shooting onto his prostate.

"Oh f-fu- uh!" He came into my hands as I gave him one last pump and wiped my palms on the sheets.

I pulled out of him, falling back on my bed.

"Oh my fucking god, Frankie! That was amazing. That was... holy fuck." He fell beside me, breathless, as I tangled my arms around him.

His black hair stuck to his forehead from sweat. His skin glistened for the same reason. His eyes were crazy with passion. His everything was hot as hell.

He pulled out of my hold and sunk under the covers. I was unsure of what he was attempting at first but I knew as soon as I felt his warm mouth around my cock.

He swirled his tongue around and sucked. That was the end of that. He came back up so we were face to face again.

"Now that we have you all cleaned up, I got to clean myself up." he told me as he rolled off my bed, strolling to the washroom ever so casually. He left me with a cold feeling where his body used to be, all warm and comfy.

I couldn't help but laugh at his hopelessness. My mom sleeps with her door closed, but what if she were to come out to find Gee butt-ass naked? Naturally, my eyes wandered to his ass, checking him out. It was an odd mix of feeling turned-on and feeling hysterical. Gerard's so oblivious sometimes.

When he was done, he tiptoed back into my bed and I quickly pulled him in as close as possible.

I wanted his body to be one with mine; I wanted his _everything_.

"You're so good to me." Gerard mumbled into my neck.

"I want to be good to you. I love you."

"You shouldn't."

"Why?"

"I'm not a good person."

"No, you're wrong. You are an amazing person. I love you." I repeated, making sure I got the point across.

"Really?"

"Really, truly."

"I love you, too, Frankie. You're so good to me."

"You already said that."

"Well, it's true, Frank."

"I love you, Gerard."

"You already said that," he mocked me, giggling.

"Yeah, well it's true." I mocked back.

"I can't wait 'till your mom finds us like this."

"I'll wake us up before she can."

"Promise? I don't want her to hate me any more than she already does..."

"Gee, I promise. And she doesn't hate you. She just doesn't want anyone hurting her 'baby'."

"Well she's going to have to share. You're my baby now, too."

He tilted his head up and planted an air-light kiss on my lips. After that, sleep took the both of us over, him first, then me.

I was completely dreamless that night. What did I have to dream for when Gerard was laying right next to me?


	16. And we'll keep it running

I glanced at my digital clock. 5:24. Fuck, that's too early.

My whole body felt kind of sore and cold.

I looked around. Right! That explains the coldness; I'm naked. The soreness, well, last night...

I sighed in content to myself, feeling quite satisfied.

Gerard was still sleeping soundly; in almost in the same position as last night, dreaming about god knows what. _Me _I was hoping.

Hmm... I'm allowed to have a little fun, right? Even though I had plenty of fun last night... It couldn't hurt.

My face stretched into an evil smirk, I could feel it.

If he wasn't dreaming about me before, then I'll just make him.

I brushed my fingers on his hip bone. I lightly dragged them to my place of interest.

He shivered from my touch.

This was easy, really easy. He was naked and very little of his body was hidden by my covers, which were mostly barren on the ground.

I kept going, touching his skin ever so lightly. I only put a hint if pressure in spots where I noted earlier to be more sensitive than others. I dragged my fingers to the tip of his member, swirling my fingering little circles.

My eyes grew wider as I was witnessing Gerard grow hard, fast, before me.

I couldn't help but giggle at how vulnerable Gee was, at the moment. It made it even more fun.

One-handed, I began stroking his dick, slowly applying more pressure. I didn't want this to end because of him waking up. Well, I suppose it would only carry on further if he woke up, but this was amusing. For the moment, he was my little toy and I was going to take advantage of that.

Gee's breathing became more laboured with every pump, as did mine.

"H- h- holy fuck... U- uh... B- Brennon..." he mumbled under his breath.

My jaw dropped and my body froze, including my hands. I cannot believe what I just heard.

It wasn't my name Gerard was uttering ever so quietly. Gerard had just said _Brennon's_ name. Not _mine_, but _his_!

I removed my cold hands from Gerard's dick and rolled out of bed. Slipping on my boxers and pyjamas, I made my way to the washroom.

What just happened wasn't registering to me. I never in a million years expected Gerard to say Brennon's name when I was the one handling him. The worst part was that he didn't mean to do so, he was asleep. That means that he couldn't have stopped himself... Does he think about him when we are together? What does "we" even mean to him?

I lowered my whole head under the tap, allowing the ice-cold water to drench me. I closed my eyes, just listening to the flow of the water past my ears, focusing on the coldness making the skin above my neck numb and giving my whole body goose-bumps.

I just stayed there, not giving two shits about the world.

What if the day that stopped at my house and ran his mouth about "Gerard forcefully kissing him", he told the truth...?

Maybe he really wasn't lying. Maybe Gerard was the one lying, instead.

Whoa, Frank. Relax. It was just a little slip. You don't know that Gerard was dreaming about Brennon and liking it. You don't know anything, so stop jumping to conclusions.

The voice in my head was right, I didn't know anything. I was wrong to trust Gerard a year ago, and it seems as if I was wrong to trust him again. Well that's just me; making a habit of being wrong.

I felt warm, strong arms slither their way around my waist. My whole body froze.

I turned the tap off and; with my hands, I wiped my face of still dripping water.

I opened my eyes to reveal a smiling Gerard, in only his boxers, embracing me from behind.

What do I do? What do I say?

He was sleeping, so is he even aware of what he had said? Does he even know what I was doing to him?

"Hey, baby. Sleep well?" Gerard soothingly asked.

If he only knew...

I was at a loss of words. If I told him, surely everything would go wrong. If I pretended it never happened, I could avoid hurt and enjoy myself for a little while longer...

But I can't do that. I can't lie to him or myself like that...

"Please don't touch me..." I told him. I was almost physically painful saying such a thing to him.  
>I never thought I would.<p>

"W- what? Why do you mean, Frank?" Gerard's face was a perfect example of confusion and fear. Fear about what I was about to say, but had to say, nonetheless.

"Don't touch me, Gerard. Please just... leave me alone. Please?"

After everything, I just couldn't bring myself to yell at him. I just couldn't. I loved him.

"Frankie, are you alright? What's wrong?" His voice was thick with concern, his eyes glassy for the same reason.

"Do you even remember?"

"Remember what, Frank? You're scaring me,"

"What did you dream about last night? What about that? Do you remember that?"

"I- I... What did I do? Did I do something wrong? Just cut the crap,"

"'Cut the crap'? Well, okay. Can you possibly explain to me why I was having a bit of fun with you while you were sleeping, and you said Brennon's name rather than mine?"

After that, Gerard just stared at me with a distressed look on his face, as if he didn't believe what I just said, or maybe what he might of said without meaning to.

He didn't speak up; he just stood there in shock.

"How about it, Gerard? Care to explain? Do you even care about me in general? Did you ever?"

The last bit of what i said set him off. "Yes, Frank! I fucking care about you! I care about you! A whole fucking lot! I love you, don't you know? I don't even remember saying that! I was sleeping! Why are you putting this against me when I wasn't even conscious!" he yelled.

"Because you weren't conscious to lie. You weren't conscious to stop yourself. It's what you said because it's what you wanted to say when I was touching you. I was touching you, but you said his name. You were asleep so you couldn't stop yourself, but it's what you meant..." I didn't yell. I kept my voice calm because if I raised my voice, I wouldn't be able to stop myself from doing something stupid and it would get way out of hand.

"You don't know what goes on in my head," Was his response.

"Then, please, tell me."

**Gerard's POV**

_I writhed under him. Our bodies were stuck together, all sticky from sweat._

_"Oh Frank! I love it when you squirm like that!" A husky voice I recognized as Brennon's spoke._

_I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to be face-down with him on top of me. Why was he calling me Frank, anyways?_

_"Ready, Frankie-boy?" he asked, sounding as sinister as ever._

_"W- what?"_

_"I'll take that as a yes." and then he pushed himself into me._

_Brennon didn't prepare me, or even go slow. He was going fast and hard and it wasn't the slightest bit fun on my part. I did not want to be doing this with him. I wanted out. Now._

_"H- h- holy fuck... U- uh... B- Brennon..."_

_"What, baby?" he moaned._

_"Stop! I can't! I d- don't... I don't w- want this..."_

_"Frank! Are you serious! W- what the h- hell!" he stuttered, getting off of me._

_"Stop calling me Frank! At least get my fucking name right!"_

_He laughed at me as if I was some idiot child. "C'mon Frank? First, you don't want me, but now, you don't even believe who you are? Give me a break, baby."_

_"Stop!"_

_"Here. I'll prove it to you." he grabbed my hand and led our naked bodies to a washroom._

_We were in Frank's house, I noticed. What he hell?_

_"Here, Frankie-boy. Look for yourself."_

_He pulled me in front of a mirror, forcing me to look at the reflection._

_And in that reflection... wasn't me. Before me was Frank. Behind me was a sneering Brennon._

_I dry heaved a few times. Unable to stabilize myself, I was becoming hysterical._

**xxxx**

"I woke up, sweaty, cold and shaking..." I finished explaining to Frank what I dreamed of last night, hoping with all my heart that he would believe me.

"Oh... I thought..."

"You thought wrong, baby. You know how much I love you..."

"I'm sorry. I..."

Frank gulped. He looked ashamed of himself.

"Don't feel bad, Frankie. If I was in your position, I would have thought the same thing."

He nodded his head, seeming somewhat relieved.

"Speaking of Brennon... Have you heard of him lately?" he asked.

"No... I don't really want to. I rather steer away from the confrontation for as long as possib-"

I was cut off by the noise of my ringtone. Somebody was calling my cell phone. But who would call so early?


	17. Your heart can't take this

**Yes, its been a while and i apologise for the long wait, but here it is! it is quite short, really short acctually, but i wrote this with extreme writters block so forgive me.**** I'll post the next chapter up soon enough.**

* * *

><p>Gerard sat bundled up on the floor of my room. I had my arms around him as he wept shamelessly into my chest.<p>

"I- I- I don't want to d- d- do this anymore. I c- c- can't bare this an- an- anymore. I just don't know. I- I- oh god..."

This morning, he received a phone call on his cell-phone.

It was his grandmother's neighbour, Mrs. McFilen. She called on behalf of Elena's, Gerard's grandmother, passing.

The other day when mom and Gerard went to Elena's to see if he could stay there, Mrs. McFilen spotted them through her window (creepy, I know). She suspected they stopped by to gather the remainder of her belongings.

To Mrs. McFilen's surprise, Gerard had never been informed of Elena's death which was caused by a stroke. He hadn't an idea of it. She has been deceased for more than two weeks now.

What surprised her most was that Gerard's parents hadn't even told him. She was positive they knew. They had stopped by as well to clean out and pack up most of Elena's belongings. Well, whatever they could.

How long would Gee be oblivious to this if Mrs. McFilen hadn't called? Fuck, he still wouldn't know if it want for the fact that the McFilens where family friends of the Ways, which is why she also had access to his cell-phone number.

I was currently in a storm of emotions and thoughts. I was mad at Gee's parents for everything. I was sad for Gee and his grandmother. I was confused toward Gee's parents' intentions. I was still a hint sceptical to what Gee told me was the "truth" to why he moaned out Brennon's name earlier. I was mad at Brennon for, well, everything. And finally, I was heartbroken at the fact that as overwhelmed as I was at the moment, Gerard must be as devastated as me, ten fold.

I couldn't bare the thought.

As soon as Mrs. McFilen was done talking and hung up, Gerard was completely and utterly in shock which led to him retelling the whole conversation to me. I could tell he couldn't believe anything he had just heard. It hadn't registered to him yet. As soon as he was done, he just stood there blankly for a minute, and then fell to the floor in a mess of sobs.

Thankfully, my mother was awoken by Gerard's wails of grief and went to go make coffee. I just told her I'd explain later and from nature, she decided to go make something that would bring comfort.

Gerard and Mikey were insanely close to their grandmother. Elena was such a wise, funny, and loud person. She was just as passionate and care-free as she was well-spoken. No one in their right mind would go against her. Everyone loved her yet were still afraid to challenge her. She was tough yet sweet, always right and always won.

She was an Italian old woman, nonetheless. A great grandmother. And a great cook.

There was too much good to say about her.

Before even giving me a chance to react, Gerard sprang out of my comforting hold and onto his feet.

"My stupid mother fucking parents; they ruin everything. It's their entire fault!" He yelled. If this was a cartoon, smoke would be coming out of his ears and his nose.

"Gerard..." I didn't know what to say. "No, don't be mad at your parents; they're not that bad"? Give me a break, he wouldn't buy that shit. Nothing could change the way he was feeling at this point.

Now, I was just worried to what his next step would be. I know he's completely rash sometimes. I just hope he thinks for himself, because I won't be able to help him or stop him from whatever actions he claims this time around.


	18. Grab your sixgun from your back

Without allowing me any time for reaction, Gerard sprang out of my arms.

"Everything is their fault, y'know?" His eyes were still puffy and wet from crying over his grandmother, but he didn't seem unstable anymore. It was as if the little ten minutes he used to grieve was plenty for him.

Gerard was done with the tears, for there was no more time to consume with bitter weeping. No more dwindling. There would be ages available to mourn later. Now, Gerard was furious and, being the stubborn person he is, would never in a million years let this one fly by.

His parents haven't been very parent-like lately and have caused him far too much pain. Gerard was done with it.

"They always ask me to explain myself, well I think they have some explaining to do. I wanna know why the fucking hell they decided it was best to not inform me of the fact that my own grandmother, pretty much my only hope, had died!"

I was in to position to calm Gerard or beg for him to compose himself. All I could do was follow him and watch his next move.

"Gerard... Baby?"

"Frankie, I need to confront them. I'll lose myself if I don't... Come with me?"

I nodded my head without hesitation. I was scared of what he would do, but I couldn't let him do it on his own.

A small crooked smile formed on his face- wasn't much but it was something; a sign there was still an ounce of hope in him.

"Thank you, Frankie, for being there for me so much, even though I don't deserve it." Gee told me as he engulfed me in a tight hug, so tight it left me no room to hug back.

"Anytime." I muttered, airless.

"Now let's go. I want to talk to those mother fuckers."

He released me from his hold, grabbing my hand and pulling me out my room.

"Where are you two going?" My mom asked as we were about to leave the house.

Before I could answer her, Gee did so for me, "My house."

Pulling on his shoes (I slipped mine on also), Gerard turned the knob and without a second thought, we were out the door and headed to the Way household.

**XxXxX**

"What are you doing here, boy?" demanded Gerard's father, Donald.

I never really noticed, but Gee and his father are practically identical. The only difference is that Donald it wrinklier and salt and pepper hair. If he wasn't more than double my age and a complete asshole, I'd find him very attractive.

Meanwhile, Gerard was fuming. The whole time walking to his house, Gee kept mumbling curses, expressing his anger and hatred toward his parents. Now, he got a chance to set volume to his feelings.

"What am I doing? I'm here to find out why my own damn parents didn't tell me why my grandmother died!"

Donald's face fell.

"Who is it Don-" Gerard's mother, Donna, began to ask but stopped herself when her eyes fell on Gerard.

Gee's parents weren't even acknowledging the fact that I was present. It was as if I wasn't even there to begin with.

I remember they used to be so kind towards me. Donna would always make me warm pastries and Donald taught me how to hit a baseball, though I was never any good. I wonder what ever happened? Oh, right, Gerard being gay and them being homophobes happened.

"Does Mikey even know?" Gerard pressed on.

"No." Donald simply stated.

"You can't just _not_ tell us!" Gerard yelled.

"Don't worry. We did it in _his_ best interest, not yours. The only reason we didn't tell you is so that you wouldn't know to go tell Mikey. We didn't want him to have to go through that; all the pain. You on the other-hand, we couldn't care less." said Donald matter-of-factly.

I knew that his parents didn't give two shits about him, but I didn't expect them to be so cruel.

"You piece of fucking shit! I hate you! How could you do something like that?"

"Gerard, calm down-" Donna stepped in.

"Fuck you!"

Gerard was getting more and more incensed by the second. All I could do, was stand back and watch the volcano in him erupt.

"Gerard, as your father, I order you to-"

And before Gerard's "father" could finish, Gerard sent him a powerful, and well-deserved, punch straight in the jaw.

Donald fell to the floor, not terribly old but too old to fight back, he stayed there. As any wife would, Donna went down on her knees in attempt to help him.

Standing strong and tall was Gerard, though still plenty furious, he seemed relieved. Good for him, really. I would have done the same thing, in his position. I know it's his dad, but his dad is a total douche bag and Gee needed to let it all out somewhere, right?

I can't say I didn't see that one coming. Donna, on the other hand, stared back at Gerard in horror.

"You are not my father. You never, ever will be anything remotely close to my father. A real father wouldn't do something so cold-hearted to their own fucking son." And after that, Gerard took my hand and walked away.

Now, as we walked back to my house, all I could hear is our footsteps and Gerard's shaky, heavy breath.


	19. Two shots to the back of the head

For the second time, Gerard will be staying here, having no other place, but the streets, to go.

We didn't even go to school today, but I'm sure my mom called in to inform them we would be absent. She even called in sick on our behalf, especially since she saw the condition Gerard was in. I'm sure Mikey went to school though (there is no reason for him to have stayed home), because when we...stopped at Gee's house, Mikey wasn't there.

Now that he was sound asleep on my bed (it was only the afternoon, but going through everything he had today, he needed it desperately), I had to speak to my mom.

She had barely allowed Gerard to stay here for a short period of time, for a reason unknown to me. Now that it was clear we were his last resort, I needed to know what would happen. I needed to talk everything through with my mom.

I quietly walked to my mom's room. I was about to knock on her bedroom door, but then I hear her muffled voice. She was talking to someone, probably on the phone.

I gently placed an ear on the door to take a closer listen.

I wasn't spying... just tending to my curiosity...

"Gavin, I'll try, okay? Sorry I couldn't...do it tonight. I'll make it up to you tomorrow."

There was a short pause; I'm guessing this Gavin guy was responding.

"No, but I'll be at work tomorrow." -another pause- "Leave Frank out of this, Gavin. Don't get Brennon involved either. This is our business."

Wait, what? What about Brennon? What were they talking about?

"Yes, I know he's your son but neither your kid nor mine have anything to do with anything." -pause again- "You know I wouldn't be involved with you if it wasn't for the sake of keeping this job. I need it after Frank's dad left. Just please, don't make this anymore complicated, and don't bring anyone else into this, okay?"

Wait- is this what I think it is? Am I really hearing this right now? My own mother "involved" with Brennon's dad, unfortunately her boss, just so she could provide for us?

I felt so betrayed and lost inside knowing what my mothers been doing behind my back for god-knows how long, that I was just going to leave but then something caught my ear.

"Gerard? Donna and Donald's kid?" -pause- "No, I haven't heard from him. I swear." -pause- "Maybe Brennon is lying. Frank and I have nothing to do with Gerard except for Frank is friends with his brother." -pause- "Yes, Gavin, I know what you could do if we ever got involved with him, but maybe you should have a nice long talk to Brennon about solving his own problems. We have nothing to do with anything, don't worry. Anyways, I'll be at work tomorrow and I'll be there tomorrow night too. Okay, bye."

Okay, so let me process this all. My mother is fucking her boss, who is also Brennon's dad, in order to keep her job. My mom has far too much pride to do such a thing, so Gavin must be threatening her somehow.

Brennon must have shoved some bullshit story about Gerard up his father's ass and put me in there somehow. So now, Gavin want Gerard nowhere near us because my mom is practically his "property" and he must hate Gerard by now.

That must be why my mom was so reluctant and secretive about Gerard staying here.

I had to tell Gerard all this new information.

It was all so overwhelming. With all the shut that happened recently and now this, I was getting dizzy. It was all just too much.

I found myself feeling like a pregnant woman, swarming with hot and cold emotions.

I was angry at my mom for doing such filthy things. I also felt bad for her. I felt like crying much like Gerard was doing this morning, my life was a mess; the worst.

There's time to talk to her later. For now, I need myself and Gerard. I could be around my mom right now or I don't know what I would do.

I walked back to my room, closed the door and placed a chair under the doorknob, so no one could get in, behind me as I went to lie beside a placid Gerard.

Without a warning, I suddenly burst into a mess of tears.

Gerard awoke at the muffled noise of my weeping.

"Frankie? Baby are you alright?" he asked, his voice dripping with worry.

I attempted to answer him but all that came out was more cries.

We were both sitting up now, my head buried in my hands.

"Shhh baby... Shhh." Gee began to soothe me while rubbing my back.

"Quiet now and tell me what's wrong...except for everything." He told me.

I tried gathering myself but I was so overwhelmed and upset that I just couldn't.

Gerard realized this so he said, "Okay, tell me later then? Come here. Come to me and relax."

I let him wrap his warm, solid arms around me as we both laid back down.

I took fist-fills of his shirt in my hands as I dug my head into his chest, breathing in his comforting scent.


	20. What's the worst that I could say?

Gee and I sat at the kitchen table with mugs of coffee in our hand, drinking away the dark, enriched liquid.

I woke up in the middle of the night, eyes wide open, unable to fall back asleep. So here we are now, staring at each other in dim light, sipping at our drinks occasionally.

Gerard gave me some time to breathe and think things through before bombarding me with questions. But when he did, oh boy, he had a shit load of them, and he wasn't going to let it fly by either. Though I did find them annoying, I didn't blame him. His pushiness was out of worry and concern, and I gave him reason to be. I wasn't exactly subtle and at peace earlier.

He would frequently ask "why were you so upset?", "what or who made you that upset", "when did it happen?" All he wanted were straight answers; a solid explanation.

And I gave it to him. I told him everything from my mom sleeping with Brennon's dad to keep her job, to our family being practically forbidden to be around Gerard because of Brennon's feelings towards him (Brennon's dad doesn't want to be sleeping with anyone who has to do with someone his son hates).

It's all twisted and sick but in a wrong way, it all makes sense to me. Brennon's messed up in the head, as is his dad. They are terrible, selfish people. Good looking too, which only makes it worse. They always want their way and they always get their way, unfortunately.

My mom just happened to get stuck in their ways, and we got carried down there with her.

When I was done explaining everything to Gerard, his face churned with disgust as he clenched his jaw. He looked displeased, putting it lightly.

"What now?" he asked, not really searching for an answer. I could tell he was proposing that there's nothing to do; we're stuck. In other words, we're fucked, and not the good kind, if you know what I mean.

"Brennon contaminates everything! Fuck! He's in our dreams, in our head, fucking with your mom- or his dad is, at least," he adds as an after-thought. "The bastard always ruins everything. Always. It's either him or my parents. Ugh..."

"I know Gee. And there isn't a fucking thing we can do about it. He's always there. Always two steps ahead of us."

"What does he want from us?"

"I just don't know anymore. He wanted to fuck with us to the point of- of...I don't know. Well, either way, he got what he wanted..."

"I'm just so sick of all this. I'm just so, so done."

I didn't quite know what he meant by "he was done". "Done" with what? Brennon and his mind games? His parents' homophobia? Or just life in general?

He's been talking like that a lot lately. He says that he doesn't want to deal with anything anymore.

Gerard has been acting very depressed and out of it, especially after he got kicked out of his house and his parents denied him.

I just hope it doesn't escalate...

"It's too much Frankie, too much shit. I want it to go all away, y'know? I'm tired, I'm just tired."

I was looking down at my feet; I refused to meet his gaze. I could feel tears pricking my eyes and choking me as I tried to hold them back.

I was ashamed of my mother yet I still loved her. I felt bad for everything Gerard was going through, too. It was all so much to take in at once. Gee was right: it's exhausting.

"I'm sorry, Frankie. I'm making this about myself, amn't I? I just... sorry."

"No, don't be. I feel the same way. I don't know what I should do now... She was the one I would always go to for advice and stuff 'cause my dads not really 'round anymore..."

Gerard enclosed me in his protective hold, as if shielding me from the world.

Gee was taller than me, so he rested his chin on the crown of my head.

"Why don't you just talk to her? You'd feel much better." he mumbled into my hair.

"I know, it's just... It was hard enough explaining it to you, but to actually confront her? Jesus, no. I can't..." I told him, my face snuggled into his chest. Just to emphasize what I said, my voice cracked at "can't". But it was true: I wasn't strong enough, I couldn't.

He crawled his hand up my shirt, massaging up and down my spine, kissing my head. It was soothing.

I sighed. Why couldn't everything just be easy? He and I didn't need any of this. Maybe Gee's parents, Brennon, and Brennon's dad could just miraculously disappear. Fingers crossed.


	21. We're just two men as God had made us

I guess I just fell asleep in Gerard's arms like that, because he woke me up at eight in the morning to get ready for school.

I knew he carried me to the couch because that's where I woke. It was alright by me, though. I rather not feel the stiff pain, and cause him the same, in the morning, from sleeping sitting.

I got up to go to the washroom. I mentally prepared myself for the way I would look. All that sobbing and mopping couldn't have left me pretty.

My hazel eyes were crazy blood-shot from all the pathetic crying, and my blackish hair was a mess on my head. There were dried droll stains at the side of my mouth. There were, pail, salty lines down my cheeks from tears last night.

I grumbled at my reflection. I wish Gerard hadn't seen me like this. I hope he wasn't overly disgusted by my appearance.

I needed a shower more than anything right now. So I stripped of my clothes and left them sprawled on the floor as I stepped in.

When I first turned the water on, it was freezing cold, waking me up. Then, as the water started warming up to the temperature I set it as, my muscles started relaxing, as did I.

Wow, showers really have a way of making you feel human again.

I rubbed shampoo into my scalp and let the foam roam down the rest of my body, some-what cleaning my skin. I was way too lazy to use body wash, so the bubbles from the shampoo were enough freshening for now.

When I rinsed and was all done, I turned the tap off, wrapped a towel around my waist, and stepped out.

As I was drying myself, I noticed I forgot a clean pair of underwear. Great.

I slightly cracked the door open and peered out for anyone.

It would be too embarrassing to get my mom to get me a pair, so I called out for Gerard, "Gee? Gerard?"

He walked over to the washroom, a bowl of cereal in hand, mouth full.

My nude body was covered by the door. All he would be able to see is my face from the small opening.

Either way, he realized I was naked. And wet. He smirked, mouth closed since it was still full, and winked at me.

I rolled my eyes and asked, "I forgot a pair of fresh underwear. Mind getting me some?"

"Mm." he responded and walked away. I'll take that as a yes.

A few seconds later, Gerard came back, my SpongeBob boxers in hand.

I squeezed my arm out to take them from him, keeping the rest of my naked body covered from the eyes of the horny boy before me.

Before allowing me to snatch them from him, Gerard shoved the door open and came in, quickly closing and locking the door behind him.

He gave me a devilish grin, like he succeeded. Which, in a way, I guess he did.

He took a step back and eyed me up and down, licking his lips.

I just noticed, Gee's mouth wasn't full anymore, and he had rid of the bowl of cereal because he said lustfully, "If you want 'em," talking about my boxers in his hand, "you're going to have to _come _and get 'em."

I decided to play along. But not for too long; you can't forget school, which we have been missing a lot lately.

I sprang forward in attempt to grab them from him, but of course, he was faster and pulled away before I had a chance. Instead, with his free hand, he lurched me to him from my shoulder, pressing his lips to mine.

Gerard threw my boxers somewhere on the floor so he could have another free hand.

He held my neck with both hands, pulling me even closer than before.

Gerard opened his mouth and so did I, entering our tongues in the other's mouth. He moaned in satisfaction, and I moaned after him, allowing my vocal chords to follow his.

He leaned back onto the door, taking me along with him. I'm glad he did so, because my knees tend to get weak when we do what we do. Everything is easier when I have something to lean on.

Gerard nipped at my bottom lip and he dragged his hands down my chest, down my hips, and took hold of my dick. I exhaled sharply as he did so.

I let my mouth stray from his as I began kissing his neck, encouraging him further. I started lightly biting his pale skin when he started pumping me. I bit harder when he pumped harder.

We were both panting and moaning but trying to keep our noises and loudness to a minimum in case of my mom. Thankfully, the door was locked, so even if she heard us, at least she didn't see us.

In a way, this wasn't fair. I was completely naked, while he was fully clothed. Oh well, I was getting a hand-job. I'm sure I can deal with it.

Gerard slowly moved his hands forward, massaging my head. I let out a deep, throaty groan at the feeling. This was ecstasy at it's finest; heaven at it's brightest, it had to be.

I had to take two fistfuls of his shirt in my hand and burry my face into his shoulder, so I wouldn't moan like a whore as Gee started fingering with my slit. This was new but it felt so insanely good!

My eyes rolled to the back of my head as I managed a husky, "More." Why hadn't he done that before? I could feel myself coming, though I didn't want to yet. Sure, it was selfish, but like I told him, I wanted more. I didn't want it to end.

Gerard didn't obey my command, though. Instead, he moved his hands away from my length and started working his magic at my balls.

"Mmm..." I sighed in content as I came only seconds later onto his jeans.

Gerard smacked me on the butt as he whispered to me, "Now get your boxers on, I have to change my jeans thanks to you."

He gave me a quick peck and left the washroom, also leaving me alone.

I sighed once again as I put my boxers on; I could have just kept the towel around myself and gotten changed in my room, where all my clothes are, rather than ask Gerard to bring me underwear. If I did, maybe we would be able to get to school on time. Now I don't know when we'll get there, not that I care, though.

I'm so oblivious to everything; so stupid that I didn't think of that to begin with. Oh well, I'm glad of my stupidity; it got me some fun.


	22. Ashes to ashes, we all fall down

Gerard and I went to school after our little "session". We were grinning like idiots. This was good because it's been a while since we could truly smile like that.

Of course, there was a lot of "just pretending" we were okay. Both of us were pretty bruised up and broken inside. But then again, we also knew that there was not a chance in fucking hell we would be able to be happy unless we separated ourselves from all this shit. We needed to turn our backs from everything for awhile, even if that meant turning our backs from everyone except each-other too.

So, Gee and I walked the school halls, hand-in-hand, paying absolutely no attention to bystanders generously providing us with dirty looks. It was to be expected.

We entered the room for Maths; our hands still connected, and were greeted by a smiling Mr. Harrot, "Gerard! Frank! What a lovely surprise! Why don't you two boys take your seats? Class will begin shortly."

We nodded our heads and took our normal seats.

Brennon was here this time around. He was sitting there- no, more like _lounging_- comfortably.

And though he still avoided us, he had a new aura about him. He seemed... satisfied.

His blue-green eyes sparkled and he began gelling his blond hair again (he had stopped after the fight he had with Gerard a little while ago; when Gee and I got close again).

If you paid attention to Brennon at random times during class, when he had no idea he was being watched, you could notice him smirk; probably remembering how much he and his dad were tormenting us.

He was sick. Or rather, _they_were sick. Not once have I ever met anyone as sadistic and foul as they.

Mr. Harrot was going off about some Math competition he wants us all to try out for because he thinks "we all have potential and we should always try and look for opportunities to spread our knowledge". But then suddenly the speaker turned on, interrupting Mr. Harrot, and the secretary spoke, "Gerard Way to the principal's office. Gerard Way to the principal's office, please."

Some immature assholes "ooo-ed" and Mr. Harrot repeated, "You heard it, go ahead Gerard."

Gerard got up from his seat and walked out the door, leaving me wondering why the hell he was called down. Curiosity is a bitch.

_**XxXxXxX**_

When Math ended, I went to my next class in a different route than I usually do. I walked past the principal's office, hoping that Gerard would conveniently come out when I did so.

And conveniently enough, Gee did come out when I walked past. But I immediately regretted it. Not that I didn't want to see him... I just didn't want to see him like that.

His face was stone cold; robotic, in a way. It was as if he had given up on life and everything else. His beautiful hazel orbs that were usually filled with emotion, were now detached. His skin was deathly pale, even more so than usual.

It scared me to see him so emotionless and... hollow. I wanted to embrace and comfort Gee about whatever was clearly upsetting him.

I don't know why, but we both just stood there without uttering a word. I was kind of afraid that if I made any noise, I would set him off. I did not want to do that.

I decided since I was scared shitless, unless I voiced that, we would be just standing here forever until Gerard exploded before me.

"Gee? Uh... baby, are you alright?" I asked cautiously, slowly reaching a hand forward and placing it on his arm in hope that I might bring him back to reality.

He sniffed and shook his head as if to clear his mind.

"I... Mikey, he's uh... dead. Frank, he's dead." His expression didn't change at all; he stayed the same.

I knew he wasn't kidding, so when he told me this, my blood ran cold and I didn't know what I was supposed to do now.

It was an awkward feeling, really. I just couldn't move. Every cell in me was overwhelmed.

I wanted to fall to the floor and cry. I wanted to rip someone's head off. I wanted to hug Gerard and kiss his pain away. I wanted to do anything but just stand here. Unfortunately, that's all I could really do at the moment.

"How...?" I asked under my breath.

"Hit and run." Gerard responded plainly, his eyes fixed on nothing at all. Then he added, "I uh... I think I'm going to leave..."

I didn't know how to respond to that so I just didn't. Honestly I didn't really know how to respond to life right now.

Gerard turned around and headed towards the exit, not even bothering to gather his stuff from his locker.

And before I could blink twice, Gerard passed out and was sprawled helplessly on the hard, tile floor.

I ran over to him, shaking his cold, dead-looking body.

"Help! Someone help!" I pleaded to anyone in ear-shot. But I'm sure almost everyone was in class already because there was no one in the halls.

I think somebody ran over and said that they were calling an ambulance but I wasn't paying any attention at that point. I was on my knees, holding Gerard, crying, and being of no help. But, see, I didn't know what to do. Nothing felt real anymore.


	23. You're dead and gone

**Gerard's POV**

I woke up with a gut wrenching feeling that everything in my life had become even more screwed up than it already was.

Then it all came back to me in a rush of despair.

Mikey was dead, leaving me with anger, anguish, and self-pity.

I couldn't even mourn because I didn't have any energy left in me. I couldn't even cry. It felt like my eyes were sucked dry.

When I was called to the office in the middle of class, I was curios to what it could be about. There wasn't anything I had purposely done wrong and definitely nothing I had done right.

When I entered the room, Mr. Carol, the principal, motioned me to take a seat.

His eyes looked sorry and even sadder than usual.

I could feel my heart start to gain pace. Everything had been going so down-hill lately and I knew this couldn't be good. The worst part of that silent moment where I was waiting for Mr. Carol to speak, was that I knew I wasn't in trouble, which meant that whatever this was about, wouldn't leave me with as much hatred as it would sorrow.

"Gerard, I'm really sorry to be the one have to tell you this," his voice hushed down as if it would lessen the blow of what he was about to tell me. "but... Mikey is dead. It happened earlier today. He was supposed to be absent. We're not sure where he was walking to, but... He was hit by a car and whoever did it, sped off. Police are investigating. They will probably want to speak to you later. I'm so, so sorry. You may go home if you wish. I don't think staying here will be of any help..."

I felt like he just stabbed a machete through me. But it didn't feel real.

As much as it hurt and I believed what he just told me (because someone like him wouldn't play a joke like that) it hadn't kicked in. It was like someone handing you a million bucks and saying, "Here, it's all yours. You can do whatever you want with it, no strings attached." except the feeling wasn't happy and ecstatic. Quite the opposite, really.

I just nodded my head, unable to blink or speak, and left.

When I came out, Frank was there. He read my face like an open book. I tried to explain to him what happened in as few words as possible, and soon as I did, his face mirrored mine.

As I turned to leave, still shaken and numb, the reality of it all hit me like a ton of bricks.

Mikey's dead. Gone forever.

And thats when I passed out.

And now I'm here, laying in a hospital bed, as far as I know. I don't need to be here. In fact, that's the last thing I need. The thing I need most is Mikey, but that's not going to happen and it never will. I don't even remember the last thing I said to him.

Before I could even realize that I was about to, I began to cry.

"Gerard?" I jumped at the voice.

I hadn't realized it, but Frank had been sleeping on the chair beside my hospital bed. I guess he got awoken by my crying because his hair was a mess and his eyes were red and sleepy.

I just sat there, looking at him, stunned.

Frank sprang up and enveloped me in a big, warm hug.

"Oh god, Gee. Oh my god, I'm so, so sorry!" he wept into my shoulder and my skin became wet within seconds.

It sounds silly, but I refrained from crying because I felt I needed to console Frankie, though it was _my_ brother that was killed in a hit-and-run.

"Oh I'm so sorry, Gerard!" Frank pulled away, looking embarrassed with himself. "I'm being so selfish! Look at me! It should be you crying on my shoulder, not the other way around... I'm going to go and get you some coffee, okay?"

I wanted to stop him. I wanted to tell him that it was okay and to stay. I needed for him to stay with me so badly, even if it was him doing all the crying. But when I opened my mouth to speak, no words, no sound, came out.

And now I was left alone to cry without any boundaries. I was left alone to swim in a puddle of anguish. Anguish that I already had enough of to begin with. Anguish I never asked for and never wanted for the ones I loved most to have to deal with, too.

About ten minutes later, Frank walked back in my room with two cups of coffee in hand, and a sad yet kind smile on his beautiful face. He sat back down and handed me a cup, sipping his own.

"I spoke to the nurse. She said you should be released anytime now. They just need to check your vitals and stuff so they know you won't go passing out again." he told me.

Frankie looked like he was about to burst into tears any second now. All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him, so he could have comfort, but for myself, too.

He looked down at his hands, which were placed awkwardly on his lap. "You really scared me, Gee." he croaked.

"I'm sorry," was the only thing I could really say.

"Yeah, so am I." he looked up and our eyes locked.

Those words: "I'm sorry", they mean so much more than just an apology. They're words of sorrow and regret for every single thing that has been going so harshly wrong lately. From Brennon kissing me and almost turning Frank against me, to my parents kicking me out, to Grandma passing, to Frank's mom's affair with Gavin.

The only thing that was keeping me going was Mikey and Frank. And now that I've lost Mikey, Frank is all I have left. Frank is the only thing keeping me going.


	24. Things are better if I stay

**AWWW its almost over. Maybe about two more chapters left. Ill try and update soon enough. Please review! I want to hear your thoughts.** **:D xx**

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><p>Gerard was released from the hospital as soon as they were sure he was stable enough to be.<p>

A few days later, Gerard went back to school. I tried my hardest to talk him out of it because I didn't think he should with the state he was in, but he insisted.

He was so, so broken from Mikey's death. I would often wake up in the middle of the night to find a crying Gerard beside me. It broke my heart to see him like that.

When he wasn't crying, he was stone-faced and cold. He would preform everyday tasks like an emotionless robot.

Whenever I would try to touch him or kiss Gerrd, he would pull away and tell me he couldn't. I knew somewhere deep down inside Gee, he still had feelings for me, but he acted as if he was now asexual.

I have done my own share of silently weeping in empty places, but constantly having to look after Gerard and make sure he was alright, left me no spare time to grieve my own loss. Sure Mikey was Gerard's brother and their relationship tied by blood and was deeper than Mikey and I's, but it didn't change the fact that Mikey was my best friend, too. He meant the world to me, too. It wasn't fair that I didn't get a chance to mourn for myself.

The school held an assembly for Mikey, in which Mikey's parents and teachers remembered Mikey at his best. Gerard was given the chance to make a speech of his own, but he didn't even attend the assembly; he knew Mikey would have hated it.

I went and I must say, it's better that Gee didn't go. They recognized Mikey for his grades and some memories that were completely irrelevant. They not once mentioned his love of music, how much he loved to play bass, or anything Mikey actually gave two shits about. It totally sucked.

We went to the funeral, which we were surprisingly invited to, but it was no better.

They didn't have the casket opened for his loved ones to see and say goodbye to Mikey for the last time ever. Some people questioned weather he was even in there. But I knew he was, it was just that he must have looked too gruesome to show.

Everything about the funeral was wrong. The only thing they had done right was that they actually played a song Mikey loved: one of The Smashing Pumpkins' best known- Cherub Rock.

This time, Gerard had a speech and everything written out and prepared. But once he went up there to speak, he couldn't. Every single time he opened his mouth, his voice would crack. Eventually he just burst out crying. He had held himself together for the whole time, but when he tried to commemorate Mikey, he broke down. And so did I, after seeing him. It all felt so real now.

You keep expecting Mikey to walk in the room and yell, "Surprise! I'm not dead! Fooled you!" But that day, everyone seemed to come to the sad realization that Mikey was never, ever going to come back.

All in all, the funeral sucked, too. It didn't help that law enforcement officers approached Gerard and I for questioning, right after the funeral. They knew we hadn't ran over Mikey ourselves, but after questioning almost everyone, inspection the scene and Mikey's body, we were all that was left.

But I was sure there was one person that hadn't been questioned yet, and that was Brennon. If Gerard wasn't going to talk, I would.

This was our chance for escape, a way out of everything that had recently happened. I would tell the police, detectives, whoever asked and had a badge, about everything that happened. Everything from beginning to end. All the way from Gerrd being kicked out for his homosexuality, to my mom's affair with Gavin, Brennon's dad. I wouldn't miss a detail.

And not only would they have to arrest Gavin for threatening my mom and forcing her to do things that makes me shudder at the thought, but they would question Brennon, too. I could be wrong about Brennon having something to do with Mikey's death, but better be safe than sorry.

I would try and fix things as much as possible, and though somethings can't be fixed, at least I could make it all easier, so both Gerard and I could heal, together.


	25. Tell me I'm an angel

Good news. Gavin got arrested. I'm not sure what they will do with him, but he will most likely loose his job. I don't really care what they'll do, all I want is for him to pay for what _he_ did to my mom.

This has been the only good news in a while. But I still wasn't happy. After all, how could I be? But Gavin getting arrested gave me a bit of hope that things would turn out okay in the end...

I was walking to the cafeteria to meet up with Gee for lunch when Chrissy, a very casual friend of mine, who also had English, Science, and Geography with me, approached me.

Chrissy is a nice girl. Her and I aren't very close, but she doesn't judge and she's reliable, so I like her.

She has a mix of pink, red, orange, and yellow hair which resembles fire and hangs straight, just bellow her shoulders. Her eyes are a greyish blue. She has fine lips and a very thing, pointy nose, though I does have a bump. Chrissy worse extremely tight, neon green, skinny jeans, a black shirt with grey Xs all over, and a gold, heart pendant i have never seen her take off. All-in-all, she's a pretty girl. I would probably date her if it wasn't for me already being with Gerard, and of course me being gay and not really finding much interest in girls.

"Gerard, he uhh..." she began. My ears perked up (not literally, of course) at the mention of Gerard. She continued after a moment of hesitation, "He stormed out of class earlier. I noticed he wasn't really paying attention because he was working on something himself, I guess. But he broke down crying... I'm guessing because of Mikey and he just got up and left in the middle of class. Mr. Bullock let him go, understanding the situation, but Gerard left this." She handed me a sketchbook. I immediately recognized it as Gee's. He always drew in here to clear his mind. I never asked him what he was drawing though. I didn't want him to feel intruded or suffocated by me.

"I didn't look in it, don't worry." Chrissy quickly added.

I nodded and thanked her as she began to walk away.

Gerard and Chrissy had History class together. I was suddenly very thankful for this because if she wasn't there, some other asshole could have picked it up instead of her. God knows what someone could do with it. Neither I nor Gerard needed more bullshit in our lives right now, and that was easy to see.

I continued heading for the cafeteria. I no longer looked to meet up with Gerard. I knew he probably ran home or something. By home, I mean my house.

Mom allowed Gee to stay with us for as long as he wanted after Brennon's dad got arrested. Though she was embarrassed that I had found out her "little secret", she was thankful I helped put an end to Gavin. He couldn't do anything to my mom or _us _anymore.

Now, all I wanted was a good sandwich to silence my stomach.

I sat down alone, taking a bite of my sandwich, debating whether I should look inside the sketchbook.

Curiosity got the best of me as I flipped the sketchbook open. The very first few pages were of random things: wolves, skulls, trees, that type of thing.

A smile crept up on my face when I saw that the next few pages were detailed, very well-drawn portraits of _me_. One he had done of me raised all familiar butterflies in my stomach and lump in my throat. It was me, topless, only wearing ripped jeans. My dark hair hung in front of my face, covering my eyes as my head hung low.

One detail specifically caught my eye: I had, what looked like, angel wings. They were large and glorious, expanded on either side of me, making me look strong and unbreakable, as much of a lie that was in reality.

I was hovering over, what soon dawned on me, as a sketch of Gerard's very frail looking body, sprawled on the ground. His arm lay limp beside him as the jagged, yet bold lettering, that looked as if it was a tattoo or cut into his arm, said "Save Me".

I understood this sketch as soon as I laid eyes on it. What he had drawn was beautiful and sad, yet painfully real. He was pretty much stating that I'm his angel and he wants me to save him.

This scared me. What if I can't save him? What if I'm not as strong and as good as he wants me to be? Or even worse, as he _needs_ me to be?

I eventually tore myself from his angelic, dark drawing and continued studying the rest of his drawings.

The next sketch was of _Mikey_. Mikes looked beautiful, but most of all he looked _happy_. His hair was a mess, he was smiling wide, and his glasses were crooked on his face, as if he just finished wrestling with Gee over the T.V. remote or something.

I felt sad that neither Gerard or I would never see the face of our best friend and brother ever again, and it tore me up to pieces that whoever the fuck did this to him was currently walking a free man.

Apparently Gerard was feeling the same thing I was because beside the picture, the was the same dark writing as before, saying, "What if I forget your face after forever?"

I could feel a tear roll down my cheek and splatter on the sketch book. I didn't bother wipe it away. I just turned the page.

The next drawing made bile rise up in my throat and the hairs on my neck stand up. It was of Gerard. He had a rope tied around his neck, as his body hung from the ceiling. There was a chair beside him on the ground, like it was pushed away, and an open coffin under his hanging, dead body.

This picture was of Gerard committing _suicide_ by hanging himself. On the side of the drawing was what looked like a poem. It wasn't written in the same writing that was on the other sketches. His lettering here was an elegant, soft, cursive font.

_**They tore me open,**_

_**They fed on my flesh,**_

_**Ripping at my insides,**_

_**Leaving me cold and naked and shaking.**_

_**You washed away the tears and the blood and the sweat.**_

_**You fought away my demons and healed all my wounds,**_

_**But the scars cut too deep.**_

_**I'm left bitter and empty.**_

_**There's no hunger,**_

_**There's no hope left in me,**_

_**And I must leave you.**_

_**All that's left to do is dig my own grave,**_

_**And bury my already dead body forevermore.**_

The morbid poem Gerard wrote was very bleak and obvious. It felt like something was ripping my insides apart slowly. The pain of what I read was excruciating and heavy.

I didn't bother looking at the rest of the pages, though they seemed filled. I had seen plenty enough.

But now, there is no time to sit and miserably weep to myself. Forget about school, I needed to go and find Gerard before his drawing, which was practically a suicide note, comes to life.

* * *

><p><strong>Now, my pretties, its your turn. I have two endings planned out. Would you want the happy ending or the sad ending? But let me warn you all, the sad ending is much more interesting and, in my opinion, makes more sense for the story. There should only be about two more chapters until the story is complete. So let me know what all your thoughts are. :) xx<strong>


	26. Through fortune and flame we fall

My heart was beating so hard I was literally afraid that it might burst out of my chest.

All sounds around me were completely blurred out. All I could hear was my erratic breath and my footsteps, which seemed to be going slower than my legs. Actually, everything seemed to be going slower.

I was sweating. I could feel it because my clothes suddenly felt tighter on my skin.

It felt like everyone was watching me, making me feel oddly claustrophobic. But all I could really think of was Gerard.

I was running, I noticed. But it didn't feel like it. I was trying as hard as I could to run. My body felt numb and tired. I was pushing myself as hard as I could to get back to my house, where I was expecting Gerard to be. But for some reason, it seemed I was going so fucking _slow_! I _needed_ to go faster, for Gerard's sake, but I just wasn't _physically_ capable and it was so fucking _frustrating_!

I know I got a few obscure glances for people in the school halls, and later, in the street, but I didn't care. I needed to get to my baby. I need him and, from what I saw, he needs me too.

After what seemed like years, I finally got home.

I violently ripped the door open, the doorknob shaking in my hand- or maybe it was my hand shaking, I don't know.

My eyes were darting back and forth, searching for the black haired boy with the most beautiful hazel eyes I have ever seen. Without me realizing it, tears were freely flowing down my face as I scavenged for Gerard.

I began calling out his name, my voice shaky and unsettling from my sobs.

I ran to my room, opening the door to find there was no one there. I next hurdled myself to the bathroom, not knowing anywhere else he might be; he couldn't be in my mom's room and our basement wasn't even completely built yet.

Surely, there he was, sitting inside the bathtub. He had his head leaned back and arms and legs sprawled forward. In any other situation, it would have looked as if he was lounging, but not now. His eyes were rolled back and partly closed, so all you could see was white.

A razor was lonesome on the tile floor beside the bathtub, where his completely naked body lay. His completely naked, _bloody_ body. There were brutal lacerations up and down his arms, legs, and stomach. I let out a choked sob when I saw he had cut the word "_fag_" into his chest.

I gasped and fell to the floor, pulling myself to him. There was blood all over. The crimson liquid stained the floor, from one of Gerard's arms hanging on the side of the tub, there was some on the walls too, but mostly, there was a pool of it, probably mixed with water, in the tub Gerard was bathing in. And now, the liquid that used to pump through my baby's beautiful veins was now all over me, too. But I didn't care. I didn't care about anything but Gerard right now.

I held his face in my hands, all I kept saying over and over again was, "Why Gee-baby? Why?"

His raven black hair stuck wet to his forehead. And I wanted nothing more than to brush them out of his face and comfort him.

I couldn't believe this was happening, yet I had predicted it.

Gerard slowly batted his eyes open, looking weak and tired, as if I had woken him up. His lashed were crusty, probably from dried blood that surrounded him.

"Frankie?" he croaked, and my heart broke.

I cried as I kissed him, soaring inside that he wasn't gone yet.

My brain kept telling me to run and call the police, but another part of me told me it was already too late and I should spend our very last moments _together_.

I pulled myself up and went to lay in the tub with him. Any other time, this would have been a sensual act, not now though.

Even though I was smaller than Gerard, I lifted up his frail, half-dead body onto my lap so I could hold him and wrap myself around him. I noticed he was shivering, so I held him even tighter, sharing my body heat.

I moaned out cries as I kissed his precious body for what I knew would be the last time.

"Frankie?" he uttered through sickly pail lips.

"Yes, baby?"

"Could you do something for me?" It sound like it was a difficult task to say that one sentence. He was just so _weak_from the blood loss.

"Anything. _Anything_for you. I love you."

"Kiss me. Please." I was already kissing him, but on the lips, he meant, rather than his forehead, cheek, shoulder, and everywhere else.

So, that's exactly what I did. I kissed his rough, yet oddly soft, lips for the last time, more passionately than I ever have before.

He did kiss me back, but not with as much effort as I was, because he _couldn't_. I broke apart my lips from his every now and then to say, "I love you. I love you so, so much!" But it felt like no matter how much I told him, I could never fully express my feelings for him.

There was no tongue like there usually would be, but our lips were wet enough from the endless amount of blood surrounding us, and my salty tears.

I kept kissing him, and muttering "I love you," without any stop. In that moment, it was just the two of us.

I caressed his soft, pale cheek with one hand, as the other held his cold, nude body. It hurt so bad to see him like this, so _broken_.

Slowly, I could feel the pressure from his lips, lessening and lessening. It was almost as if it were only _me_kissing him, he was hardly returning the gesture.

Out of no where, Gerard murmured to me, so hushed I barely caught it, "I love you, too, Frankie, more than I ever showed. I always have." I broke inside, my everything shattering into a million fragments.

I moaned a loud cry and dug my head into his neck. I love this boy to death, I adore _everything_ about him. Yet, I hated him. I hated him for doing this to himself, for being ashamed about his sexual orientation, hence the word "_fag_" carved into his chest. But most of all, I hated myself. Maybe I could have stopped this, prevented it. What if I never got in a relationship with Gerard? He would still be alive? Nothing with Brennon or his parents or even Mikey would have happened if it weren't for me.

Why, why, _why_ did this have to happen! Gerard _can't_die! Not yet! I want to marry this boy! I want to live the rest of my life with him! And now I can't!

"Frank?" Gerard shifted his head slightly.

"Yes?"

"Promise me. Promise me that you won't give up like me. Never forget me, but go make someone else happy, like you did with me." I knew it took all of the strength left in him to tell me that. I couldn't deny Gerard.

"Whatever you want baby. I love you. I love you. I love you more than I will _ever_love anyone else. I love you, I always have. I always will, forever." I cried. I think I just said "I love you" more in these past few minutes than I have in a lifetime.

He smiled a sad, almost regretful smile as his eyes grew heavier. Soon, he looked peaceful and asleep. Every part of me didn't want him to be dead, but I didn't know anymore. Though, I still had an ounce of hope that he'd make it.

I dug my head into the crook of his neck again, like I often used to do, and cried even more, pecking his skin with my mouth. But now, when I breathed in, it wasn't the familiar scent I used to know and love. The only thing I could smell was blood.

All I remember after was a panicked scream. My mom probably got home and found us. Soon after, I heard ambulance sirens and before I knew it, my body was being separated from Gerard's.

I struggled, throwing punches and kicks as they, whoever "they" were, tried to pull me away from Gerard, not wanting to ever let go of him. Eventually, I gave up and let them take me away from his body, knowing if anything could be fixed now, if Gerard could be saved now, that it wasn't in my hands and that I had already done my part.

I later found a letter on my bed. I was so frantic earlier I hadn't noticed it. It was in Gerard's familiar handwriting. I tried to stop crying as I picked up the paper, not wanting to smudge the ink. It read:

_**Dear Frankie,**_

**_Please, please, please don't blame yourself for what I have done. You are the one that actually kept me going for so long. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone. Sorry about the things I have ever done that hurt you and I'm sorry things had to end this way. I know I brought a lot of unwanted shit into your life, and I would take it back if I could. But I will never regret the moments we've shared. Go out and find someone else. Be happy, okay? Just don't forget me._**

**_Love forever,_**  
><strong><em>Gerard<em>**

I let out a frustrated scream as I huddled into a ball on my bed. I clutched the note to my chest and endlessly wept as I bore my knees into my eyes.

Now, all I could do was wait, and remember Gerard and every precious moment we held together.

* * *

><p><em>"Hey, Frank," he said with a friendly smile. Fake. He's so fucking fake.<em>

_"Hi," I replied without a smile._

_I wasn't about to befriend him again just to end up hurt as usual_.

* * *

><p><em>"I'm trying to talk to you,"<em>

_"Well go the fuck ahead. No ones stopping you,"_

_"It's hard! Okay?"_

_"Hard!" I snapped. "You don't know fucking 'hard'! I couldn't trust anyone! The one person that I thought I could trust deceived me. For all the shit you put me through... you- you have no fucking idea..." my voice cracked and I felt like crying myself. This felt like last year all over again. And it just hurt so fucking bad._

_Gerard looked defeated by my words. As much as I felt sorry for him, I also felt good. I was the one causing him pain for one. I was overpowering him for once._

_Just to cause him a bit more well-deserved pain, I added, "And you know what? I think I was falling for you, too. I was in love with you and it hurt to have to see you everyday as only a friend. But I could live with that, only being your friend. But then you- you-"_

_He lifted himself onto his feet to face me._

_He looked at me in the eyes, really looked at me. His own hazel eyes were still shiny and blood-shot from crying._

_He leaned in closer._

_I was scared because I think I knew what was about to happen. Whether I wanted it to happen; I don't know._

_Our faces were so close I could feel his hot breath on my skin. I shivered; I didn't know if it was in a good way or bad._

_Fifteen year old me would want this more than anything. But I don't know if sixteen year old me does anymore. I don't know if I could ever trust him again._

_He eliminated the little space left between us and kissed me. His lips were warm and soft. He didn't push hard, didn't even open his mouth. He was gentle and light._

_He let out a soft whimper, it was cute, actually. I didn't kiss him back but I didn't pull away either. I just lingered my lips on his and waited._

_After about seven seconds, he pulled away. He hesitantly looked down to his feet. I guess he didn't want to confront me but didn't want to seem cowardly, either._

_"That's why..." he murmured. I knew what he meant. This was why he said sorry. This is why he apologized now rather than any other time before. This was his way of telling me he was gay. It only made sense to apologize for everything, while he was at it._

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><p><em>"Can I?" I asked. I was talking about undoing his pants but I'm sure he got the gesture of it.<em>

_He paused for a second and held his breath. He looked like he was debating with himself and I could easily tell he was nervous. If it was my first time in relation with a guy, I would be too._

_He slowly nodded his head._

_"We don't have to if you're uncomfortable..." I told him. I wanted to so, so badly but not if he didn't want to._

_"No," he began, slipping his own hands under my shirt and massaging my chest. "I do want to. Go ahead."_

_I nodded. As long as he's okay._

_I wasn't planning on going all the way so fast. I just wanted to fool around._

_I undid his pants' button and zipper. I began to slowly tug them off. He groaned and removed my hands from his pants. At first I was puzzled to what he was doing but then I realized he wanted to take them off faster, and by himself._

_He took them off and tossed them in some area in the room unknown to me._

_Before we resumed kissing, he ripped my shirt off my body without any struggle. His eyes grazed my bare chest hungrily._

_"Horny are we?" I teased and he smirked._

_"Ask my lower half," was his perfect response as he pulled off his own shirt._

_"I'd be pleased to,"_

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><p><em>He dug his head in the drop between my neck and shoulder, taking a deep breath.<em>

_In some ways, this felt better than other pleasures. Sure, those were plenty fun too, but there was something so simple and calming about just laying there, holding each-other. It felt... satisfying._

_He began placing light kisses on my collar bone. He wasn't sucking or biting, just gently kissing. It was nice._

_He stopped to speak. "Why are you with me, again?"_

_I sighed heavily. Why did he have to ask such a question and ruin that perfect moment?_

_"Because I really like you," was my simple reply. You don't know how fucking badly I wanted him to just drop it._

_"No, like really. Why? You, out of all people, picked me after everything I did to you." he pressed._

_Lately, I love hearing his voice, but right now, I wanted him to shut up._

_So I shut him up the best way I know how. I kissed him. Hard._

* * *

><p><em>"You piece of fucking worthless shit! Did you even think of me as you shoved your damned tongue down his throat! Get the fuck out of my sight!" Each word was acid, just the way I liked it to be.<em>

_"No! Stop! I didn't, I swear! How- I thought I got rid of him!"_

_"Got rid of him? I bet that was the last thing that you wanted! What? Am I not good enough for you? Next thing I know you're fucking someone else!"_

_He looked at me with frustration all over his face._

_"I would never do that to you!" he tried once more but I just gave a cruel chuckle in response._

_"That's a lie! How could you say you would never do that to me when you tormented me every single day at school? You swore at me and beat me up, and with the help of Brennon, too!" Tears were rolling down my face non-stop. I felt more sad than angry but my anger was all I was going to show. The tears, I couldn't help but show._

_He came closer to me and attempted to embrace me, to calm me down, but I shook him off._

* * *

><p><em>"So..."<em>

_I looked up at him for real, to meet his eyes for the first time today._

_"'So' what?" I asked._

_"Do you... feel the same way?" he looked so worried and it was really cute. I wanted to leave him like that and just stare at his expression but I couldn't have him feeling that way._

_"Yes, of course. Sorry I doubted you... It's just-"_

_He silenced me with a kiss. It wasn't a sloppy, lustful kiss, but it was just as passionate. It's cheesy, but just by looking at him, I got butterflies._

_Leave it to Gee to make everything all better._

* * *

><p><em>"I... I told my parents like I said I would. They weren't very... happy about it." he told me.<em>

_I placed my hand over his so that he would hopefully be comfortable enough to continue._

_"They kicked me out. My parents...they kicked me out of the house. We... we had this big fight when I told them... Mikey tried to stand up for me and dad hit him. I said some things to my parents when I saw Mikey crying. I- I guess I kind of exploded. They kicked me out. They said I couldn't come back until I got my head straight..." he told me everything as if it was nothing but a painful and distant memory._

_The beautiful boy before me was crying while observing his feet. I tried to put my arm around him to comfort him but he only pushed me away. The distance was because of the shame he was feeling and that he didn't want anybody's pity, I could tell. But even though he did keep away during the silence after he had told me about what had happened, I kind of praised him for keeping so strong. The fact that he wasn't full out bawling his eyes out, but silently weeping to himself, was so shocking to me. I don't know how strong I could keep if I was in his position. Sure, I had been partially abandoned when I came out, but not like this and not by my own family._

_I felt a pang of hurt when I mentally went through all of his words. Why hadn't he come to me? I would have let him stay at my house..._

* * *

><p><em>"I love you." I bluntly told him. I felt extremely nervous as soon as I spoke the words. Sure, I wanted to catch his attention and get any emotion, except for gloominess, out of him, but I also wanted for him to know how I felt, even if "how I felt" only occurred to me this morning. I meant what I said with everything I had.<em>

_He looked up at me, his hazel orbs almost falling out of his socket._

_"W-what?" Gee stuttered. It was cute to see him so nervous. In fact, I'd be cherishing his face right now if it wasn't for the fact that his nervousness, indeed, matched mine._

_"I love you." I repeated, my voice didn't deceive me for once, remaining solid and strong, just adding emphasis to what I was trying to imply and how much truth was behind it._

_At first, he just gawked at me, dumbstruck. But once what I said registered to him, he smiled._

_"I- I love you, too, Frankie." At that moment, I felt like the whole world was on my side. It felt as if there wasn't a single worry out there and nothing could get in my way. It was the best feeling. Ever._

_I leaned forward as we kissed. No tongue, no fast-paced, lust-filled, making out, just a simple, light peck. But there was still so, so much passion and longing._

_I removed my lips from his, licking them, tasting Gerard still on my skin._

_"C'mon, we should get to class," he told me, pulling me to my feet._

* * *

><p><em>"Sex?"<em>

_He nodded. I nodded after him._

_I wanted to. The only reason I hadn't before is because I wanted to take it slow. I didn't want to scare Gerard off by rushing him._

_"Really?" His voice squeaked when he said this._

_Why did he have to be so fucking cute?_

_"If you want to, I'm all for."_

_"Yes."_

_I mentally cursed myself when I remembered. "I don't have anything... You know, like lubricant or condoms..."_

_"I don't care."_

_"But-"_

_"I do not care, Frank."_

_"Okay."_

_"I'll even go bottom."_

_"Really?"_

_"Of course,"_

_To verify what he was saying and how much he meant it, Gerard stripped himself of his shirt and proceeded to remove mine._

_Soon enough we were both half naked, our eyes grazing the other's body hungrily._

_I took off my pyjama pants, revealing my whole body. I didn't usually wear underwear to bed; I found this extremely convenient at the moment._

_I looked at Gerard's eyes to see they were completely and utterly glued to my very nude lower half._

_"See anything you like?" I teased._

_"I need you in me." Gee answered, completely straight-forward. The guy knows what he wants, and he wants it now. Luckily for him, I was one-hundred percent happy and obliged to give it to him._

_In one swift movement, he too took off his own pyjama pants; he too was underwear-less._

_I crawled on top of him and kissed his lips. I let my mouth linger on his for a while before continuing._

_I recently discovered how much I really do love the boy before me. Tonight, I am devoted to making sure he both understands and feels this._

_I stopped kissing Gerard and flipped him over._

* * *

><p><em>My whole body felt kind of sore and cold.<em>

_I looked around. Right! That explains the coldness; I'm naked. The soreness, well, last night..._

_I sighed in content to myself, feeling quite satisfied._

_Gerard was still sleeping soundly; in almost in the same position as last night, dreaming about god knows what. __Me __I was hoping._

_Hmm... I'm allowed to have a little fun, right? Even though I had plenty of fun last night... It couldn't hurt._

_My face stretched into an evil smirk, I could feel it._

_If he wasn't dreaming about me before, then I'll just make him._

_I brushed my fingers on his hip bone. I lightly dragged them to my place of interest._

_He shivered from my touch._

_This was easy, really easy. He was naked and very little of his body was hidden by my covers, which were mostly barren on the ground._

_I kept going, touching his skin ever so lightly. I only put a hint if pressure in spots where I noted earlier to be more sensitive than others. I dragged my fingers to the tip of his member, swirling my fingering little circles._

_My eyes grew wider as I was witnessing Gerard grow hard, fast, before me._

_I couldn't help but giggle at how vulnerable Gee was, at the moment. It made it even more fun._

_One-handed, I began stroking his dick, slowly applying more pressure. I didn't want this to end because of him waking up. Well, I suppose it would only carry on further if he woke up, but this was amusing. For the moment, he was my little toy and I was going to take advantage of that._

* * *

><p><em>"I- I- I don't want to d- d- do this anymore. I c- c- can't bare this an- an- anymore. I just don't know. I- I- oh god..."<em>

_This morning, he received a phone call on his cell-phone._

_It was his grandmother's neighbour, Mrs. McFilen. She called on behalf of Elena's, Gerard's grandmother... passing._

* * *

><p><em>Gerard awoke at the muffled noise of my weeping.<em>

_"Frankie? Baby are you alright?" he asked, his voice dripping with worry._

_I attempted to answer him but all that came out was more cries._

_We were both sitting up now, my head buried in my hands._

_"Shhh baby... Shhh..." Gee began to soothe me while rubbing my back._

* * *

><p><em>I let my mouth stray from his as I began kissing his neck, encouraging him further. I started lightly biting his pale skin when he started pumping me. I bit harder when he pumped harder.<em>

_We were both panting and moaning but trying to keep our noises and loudness to a minimum in case of my mom. Thankfully, the door was locked, so even if she heard us, at least she didn't see us._

_In a way, this wasn't fair. I was completely naked, while he was fully clothed. Oh well, I was getting a hand-job. I'm sure I can deal with it._

_Gerard slowly moved his hands forward, massaging my head. I let out a deep, throaty groan at the feeling. This was ecstasy at its finest; heaven at it's brightest, it had to be._

* * *

><p><em>"Gee? Uh... baby, are you alright?" I asked cautiously, slowly reaching a hand forward and placing it on his arm in hope that I might bring him back to reality.<em>

_He sniffed and shook his head as if to clear his mind._

_"I... Mikey, he's uh... dead. Frank, he's dead." _

* * *

><p><em>Everything about the funeral was wrong. The only thing they had done right was that they actually played a song Mikey loved: one of The Smashing Pumpkins' best known- Cherub Rock.<em>

_This time, Gerard had a speech and everything written out and prepared. But once he went up there to speak, he couldn't. Every single time he opened his mouth, his voice would crack. Eventually he just burst out crying. He had held himself together for the whole time, but when he tried to commemorate Mikey, he broke down. And so did I, after seeing him. It all felt so real now._

_You keep expecting Mikey to walk in the room and yell, "Surprise! I'm not dead! Fooled you!" But that day, everyone seemed to come to the sad realization that Mikey was never, ever going to come back…_

* * *

><p>Why does life always have to be so fucking hard? Sure, it has its bright moments,but couldn't everyone just let Gerard and I be happy? If people weren't such cruel, sadistic animals all the time, maybe Gerard wouldn't have don't what he did…<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Well there it is my pretties. This is the last real chapter. Im going post up an epilogue as well... or two... so its not quite over yet. Like i said, i prefer the sad ending because it also has a sick twist to it that might surprise you people. so we will see. stay tuned! :D xx<strong>


	27. EPILOGUE: Four Cries For Sweet Revenge

I stood up.

"Frank Anthony Iero, how do you plead?" the judges voice boomed through the room. Her face was stern yet kind. She had perfect dark brown hair and clean makeup. She seemed like a great person. In fact, she kind of reminded me of my mom.

I gazed down at my lawyer, Mr. Rodney Josani, who wore a wrinkleless, spotless, navy suit. He looked back at me with eyes that told me to follow the plan. Since when was I one to follow plans?

"I plead guilty," I answered the judge.

Gasps and whispers were emitted all around the room; shock fell on every person's face. I don't know why, though. They all know I did it. I glanced back to Mr. Josani. He looked disappointed and as if he had totally given up on me. I didn't even have to look back to my mom to know that she was crying. I didn't want to hurt her but I had to do this for my own sanity. It's my life, not theirs.

"Very well. You are sentenced to life in prison with possibility of parole after twenty-five years. Case dismissed." the judge bellowed and she brought down her wooden hammer, creating a short banging noise.

An officer, with one other officer behind him, locked the handcuffs around my wrist and shoved me forth. My mom ran up to me before they could take me away.

"Frank honey, I'm going to visit you, okay? I love you." she spoke quickly and pecked me on the cheek. It's nice how she still loves me as her son even though I did what I did.

I killed Gerard's parents. When I was done with them, I killed Brennon. Gavin was, for some fucked up reason, charged but released from jail, so I killed him too.

I remember it so clearly. I have a feeling I will never forget. I killed all four of them the same way, too.

A quick blow to the temple and they're out cold for a good while. They wake up with their hands and feet tied up and joined behind their backs in a completely uncomfortable and immobile position. They have a ball in their mouth that's tied around their head so they're gagged and can't talk or scream. It's hilarious really, how they wake up squealing and confused. It makes them look like pathetic pigs that are about to be slaughtered, which they are. They cry and cry, snot and tears all over their face and they can't even wipe it away.

I slowly carve their body with my knife like a jack-o-lantern, leaving long, deep gashes all around they're skin. I would leave them like that, bleeding and weeping for their life, until they would get too weak to really cry, and before they die, I slit they're throat.

I did this to Donna, Gerard's mom, first, and had Donald watch before I followed suit to him. Same goes for Brennon and his dad. I made Gavin _watch_ his son bleed, almost to death. I _made_ them all suffer slowly. It was only fair.

They did this to Gerard and I. They tormented and tortured us so much that it led to Gerard taking his own life because he couldn't take it anymore. I was there when he did so. I had to watch every minute of it, and it was the most painful thing that I ever did in my life. I will never forget it; it's burned into my mind. How _could_ I forget watching the love of my life bleed to death in my arms?

I'm not sorry for what I did. I think Gerard's would be proud of me, too. I can just imagine what he would do to me when he found out I had gotten rid of the people he loathes the most. He would murmur bliss into my ear as he sucks and bites my neck until the area he was working on turns purple. He'd lightly kiss my lips as he lifts my shirt over my head, trailing his tongue down my torso as he massages my denim-covered boner with his free hand. I would moan loudly, causing him to get even harder himself. Impatient and horny, he'd rip my tight jeans off of me, revealing my cock. I wouldn't have worn any underwear because I would have known we would do this and I'd be prepared. Gerard's eyes would sparkle as he'd stare at my dick like a kid in a fucking candy store. Unable to hold himself back, Gee would pounce on me and-

But none of that will happen. It never _can_ happen again because Gerard is dead. The boy I adored with every cell in my body is gone forever. I will never see him, never touch him, smell him, talk to him, nor kiss him or anything ever again.

But it's alright now because I got revenge for both Gerard and I. I will be imprisoned for the rest of my life. I have chance for parole but I'm never going to try because I don't have anything to live for anymore. I'd me happier imprisoned.

So now I am. I will be alone forever with only sweet memories of Gerard to accompany me, but that's all I'll ever need.

*****THE END*****

* * *

><p><strong>Awe its alll over. Yeah, i chose the sadder ending and i really do prefer it. I realized that this story has been full of surprises so he, why not another little shocker at the very end, right? I WAS going to post and alternative ending BUT not only am i too lazy to do so, but i also like it the way it is now; it makes more sense to me rather than what i had planned as a "happy ending" which wouldnt have been that happy anyways and honestly, kind of boring. But what can i say, i love me my angst and unhappy endings. <strong>

**But no worries, darlings, Frankie-boy will have his share of butt-sex in prison. Y'know men, always all horny and ready to get it up. You gotta let out that sexual tension, right? ****Considering this, keep a look out for one-shots or other stories here and there about Frankie's life in prison, kind of like a follow up of this story; like a sequel kinda. I might do that sometime... Anyways, thank you for reading my story, i hope you liked it. Let me know your thoughts. :) xx**


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